Michael's Friends Series
by Harry Bing
Summary: Funny comical friends. The way Friends was meant to be. Funny. Hardly any drama parts. If you like drama, don't read this. If you like comedy and the show friends, read away. Review please.
1. The One with The Pink Bunny

Friends  
The one with The pink bunny  
  
Introduction:All these stories are based after The one with the east german laundry detergent. Anything after that do not corrospond with these stories. Enjoy.  
  
Setting:Monica And Rachel's apartment. Monica is putting candy in a bowl. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the table.  
  
Phoebe:What's ya doing Mon?  
Monica:Getting ready for tonight.  
Phoebe:Eww! Big date tonight.  
Chandler:(Sarcastically) Yess and if he is really good she loves him a treat.  
Phoebe:Really. I should try that.  
Monica:No Pheebs. Its Halloween.  
Phoebe:I don't have a costume.  
Chandler:(Sarcastically.) I forgot to get mine too.  
Phoebe: What a concidence. I better go get it.  
Chandler:(Sarcastically) Oh yeah you better.  
  
(Ross enters. Phoebe exits.)  
  
Ross:Where's she off to?  
Chandler:To get a costume.  
Ross:Oh.  
  
(opening theme.)  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Monica,Chandler,Joey and Ross are there.  
  
Joey:So tonight do we actually have to bring a costume.  
Chandler:(Sarcastically.) Yes. And also bring along a big red sweater.  
Joey:Why a red sweater.  
Chandler: I don't Know. Just trying to be funny.  
Monica:Joey all you need to bring is a food item.  
Ross: Why. Are we starting a food drive.  
Monica:Yeh. For all the little Rossy ossy's in china.  
  
(Rachel enters.)  
  
Rachel:Guess what.  
Chandler:(Sarcastically.)Your planning on moving to Africa to persue your dream of being an africian animal keeper.  
Rachel:No.  
Monica:So what's the news Rach.  
Rachel:I just one the lottery.  
Joey:Realy.  
Rachel:(sarcastically.) No I'm lying through my teeth. I actually just came back from ripping the guts out of a cat.  
Joey:Why would you do that to a cat.  
Chandler:(Sarcastically.)Cause she really felt the need to kill a cat. I mean when you don't win the lottery you have to kill a cat.  
Joey:Why.  
Monica:So how much did you win.  
Ross:Yeah Rach. How much.  
Joey:I thought she didn't win the lottery.  
Monica:Joey. Remember that word we talked about.  
Joey:You mean the word Sarcastic.  
Monica:Think about that for a minute.  
  
(Joey ponders for a few seconds.)  
  
Joey:(Bobbing his head up and down.) Ohh.  
Chandler:So tell us Rach how much you win.  
Rachel:100 big ones. Ahhhh.  
Monica:$100 000.  
Joey:You actually are rich.  
Rachel:No one hundred dollars.  
Chandler:(Sarcastically.)Oh your rich now.  
Rachel:Yeah. now I can buy these pairs of shoes I wanted.  
Monica:Or help me pay for the halloween party tonight.  
Rachel:Why would I do a thing like that.  
Monica:To help.  
Rachel:HaHa. You crack me up Mon.  
Monica:Huh. I wasn't..  
Chandler:I think I've seen this on Springer once.  
Ross:Jerry.  
Chandler:(sarcastically.) No Betty.  
Joey:Cool.(bobing his head.)  
  
(Chandler and Ross give Joey a look.)  
  
Joey:What.  
Chandler:Nothing its just your your sense of genuis.  
Joey:Thanks.  
  
(Chandler smirks.)   
  
Setting:That night at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone except Phoebe are there partying. Some other people are there too.  
  
(Chandler,Joey and Monica are next to Monica's room talking.  
  
Chandler:Great party Mon.  
Monica:Yeah. And this is coming from the guy who has to say everything sarcastically.  
Chandler:Idon't..I so...I so do not.  
Joey:(smirking.) Having trouble talking Chandler. You should to a doctor and get that checked.  
Chandler:Oh shut up.  
Monica:You can't say much either(Puts her arms up like a macho man. Tries to do a man's voice.)Look at me. I'm Mr. Strong and Smart.  
Joey:What are you talking about. just a few hours ago Chandler said I was smart.  
Monica:(Still having her arms up like a Macho Man but using her own voice.) And you can't tell the difference between sarcastic and actually.  
Chandler:Ah Mon. You can put down the arms now.  
Monica:(yelling.)And who are you to tell me what to do.  
Chandler:Geez. Don't get so agressive  
Monica:(still yelling.) There it is agian. What are you in love with me.  
Chandler: I can't even imagined myself marrying you bitch.  
(Monica's mouth opens wide.)  
Chandler:(Sarcastically.)And to your left you can see the caverns of the great clean teeth topia.  
Monica:Bite me.  
  
(Phoebe walks into the apartment wearing a pink bunny costume.Everyone stars at her.)  
  
Phoebe:(Putting her arms out like a goddess.) Happy Halloween Everyone.  
  
(Phoebe goes over to Chandler,Joey and monica.)  
  
Phoebe:Is it Just me or am I the only one wearing a costume.  
Chandler:(sarcastically.) Its just you and I have Cancer.  
Phoebe:How many days do you have left to live.  
Monica:You and Joey both can't tell the difference between Sarcastic and Normal speech.  
Joey:Mon. Why do you have to always use big words.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
(3 hours later)  
Phoebe:I still can't believe that it wasn't a dress up party.  
Chandler:Well get use to it. You can't do alot of things when your in your 20's. Like I wish I could still... Never mind.  
Monica:What.  
Chandler:Nothing.  
  
End.  
  
Next Episode: The One with the time of the day.  
  
Please R and R. Thanks. 


	2. The one with The time of The day

Friends  
The one one with the time of the day.  
  
Introduction:The last Chapter I got good reviews for it and I did relize that Chandler was a bit over sarcastic. I just wanted to make a friends halloween special and I couldn't think of any funny parts for it. Anyway I promise Chandler will be less sarcastic.  
  
Central Perk. Everyone is there.  
  
Joey:I better get going I got a great audiencin today.  
Monica;For What.  
JOey:There making a new sitcom called "The time of the day." I'm trying out for the character Joey. Imean who better for Joey than Joey.  
Phoebe:And who better for Phoebe than Phoebe.  
Joey:Huh.  
Phoebe:Just pointing out the ironey.  
  
(Opening theme.)  
  
Setting:Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe is singing Smelly Cat very loudly.  
Phoebe:(Loudly.)Smelly Cat. Smelly cat what are they feeding you . Smelly Cat Smelly its not your Fault.  
  
(There's a knock on the door. Phoebe gets up and answers it. A lady is standing there in the doorway.)  
  
Phoebe:Oh hi Landlord Lady.  
Landlord:Hello Ms.Buffay.  
Phoebe:So what do you want.  
Landlord:Well it seems the past Few weeks other tendents have been complaining that you are singing to loudly.  
Phoebe:Uh huh. Whats your point.  
Landlord:I'm afriad I'm going to have to ask you to move out of the building by the next 48 hours.  
  
Setting:Joey and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Ross are sitting at the counter.  
  
Chandler:(So cheesy. Obviosly knows something.) So any girls you've seen and liked.  
Ross:(covering something up.) Nope still deppressed about my divorce with Carol.  
Chandler:Oh shut up. I know you like Rachel.  
Ross:You do...Oh you do.  
Chandler:Yeah and how come you just don't ask her out.  
Ross:I would. But I want to get her a super perfect gift and then ask her out.  
Chandler:So what's the problem?  
Ross:That I noly have 50 bucks.  
Chandler:Oh thats the problem.  
Ross:Yeah. Basicly.  
Chandler:we could go to the local bar and gamble.  
Ross:What!  
Chandler:We could win a bundle.  
Ross:Or we could lose a bundle.  
Chandler:(Sarcastically sounding just like a kid.).)Well Little bobby if your feeling to much peer pressure why don't you go to the guidence chancoler.  
Ross:Fine I'll do it. But if has nothing to do with that last impresin.  
Chandler:(still souding like a kid.)Okay Bobby.  
  
Setting:The auidencening room. 3 people in chairs are watchinhg Joey auidencing.  
  
Joey:(yeelling and flealing his arms.)Are you crazy Greg. You can't slleep with Jimmy'sexwife.  
Judge #2:Very good. We'll give you a call if you get the part.  
Joey:Thanks.  
  
Setting:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica,Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table.  
  
Phoebe:And then she kicked me out.  
Rachel:We're Sorry Pheebs.  
Monica:Yeah. So where are you staying.  
Phoebe:I don't know. But you wanna know what was so stupid, when the landlord kicked me out she's like " I'm afriad I'mm going ..Blah Blah Blah and so on. But why was she afriad I was going to kill her.  
Rachel:(Under her Breath.)Probaly.Phoebe:Pardon me.  
Rachel: I say'd I don't know.  
Monica:You Know Pheebs you could stay with us.  
Phoebe:Ew Ew Ew. Really we would be like Roomates.  
Rachel:Yeah ...(less exicited.) Roomates.  
Monica:Can I talk to you a moment Rach. In my room.  
  
(Rachel and Monica go into Monica's room.)  
  
Monica:What's your Problem.  
Rachel:Living in a two bedroom apartment with Mrs. Hey look I'm a spiritual Bitch.  
Monica:Well what do you want me to do. Throw Phoebe out on the street and then you'l be happy.  
Rachel:Well if you really want to know...Yeah.  
Monica:Would you be that mean to a Friend. a best friend.  
Rachel:Yeh. I hardly even Know her. I've only lived here 3 months.  
Monica:what about you. You didn'y even invite me to your wedding and then we you needed help I let you live with me.  
RacheL:still. Where would she sleep.  
Monica:(sarcastic.) I don't know. I was thinking about your room.)  
(Rachel opens her mouth wide.)  
Monica: And on your right you can see the great clean teeth..topia.  
Rachel:Thats not funny Mon.  
Monica:So when Chandler does it. It is funny.  
Rachel:Well yeah.  
Monica:Anyway. Phoebe will sleep on the couch.  
Rachel:Fine.  
  
Setting:That night at the local bar. Chandler and Ross are playing the slots.  
  
Chandler:man. i lost agian.  
Ross:Do you know the chances of winning that thing.  
Chandler:Yes. And do you relize you are way over Protective of your Money.  
Ross:Fine. How about we at least go over and play poker.  
Chandler:(sarcastic.)Oh could we.  
  
(3hours later at the poker Table. There are all kinds of beer bottles around Ross.  
Ross:I got a ..hehe.. a Fully housey.  
Chandler:Beat me. But Ross are you drunk.  
Ross:Hehe..Very..Drunk.  
Man:Beat me to.  
Lady#1:Beat me also.  
Lady#2:Me too.  
Ross:Oh..hehe9bobbing his head up and down quickly.) ...I think I won agian.Hehe.  
  
Setting:The next mrning. Chandler And Joey's apartment. Ross is asleep on the couch.)  
(Joey comes out of his room wearing a robe.)  
Joey:Huh. Ross what are you doing here.  
Ross:(waking.)I..don't know.  
Joey:(puts hands on his hips.)did you get drunk last night.  
Ross:I don't know.  
Joey:Do you know anything.  
Ross:That I have a bad headache and to never listnen to Chandler.  
Joey:Chandler get out here. (chandler comes out wearing his robe.) What did you do to Ross.  
Chandler:Made him go down to a bar and gamble and make him get very drunk.  
Joey:What do you have to say for yourself.  
Chandler: Sorry.  
Joey:And go to your room.  
Chandler:(sounding like a child.)Okay.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting:Chandler and Joeys apartment. Ross and Chandler are sitting at the counter.  
  
Ross:How much did I win last night.  
Chandler:Ah..  
Ross:Whats Ah....  
Chandler:(Kinda in a depreessed voice.) how about..(Very exiceted voice)..500 dolllars.  
end.  
Next Episode. The one with The finding out. 


	3. The one with the finding out

Friends  
The One with the finding out.  
  
Setting:Ross's apartment. Ross and Chandler are sitting on the couch watching Roseanne.  
  
Ross:Hey I think this is the episode with some kind of problem.  
Chandler:Well in that case I already saw it.  
  
(chandler picks up the remote and turns it off.  
  
(opening Theme.)  
  
Setting:Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the counter eating eggs and Bacon.  
  
Chandler:Joe. I have to tell you these are good.  
Joey:Good. Or gooood.  
Chandler:Don't push it.  
Joey:Yeah. You actually gave a complaiment.  
Chandler:Whats That suppose to mean.  
Joey:I don't know. Its just sometimes your a little sarcastic.  
Chandler:Well thats just me. I realy can't help it.  
Joey:Okay. If you don't say a sarcastic saying for a week I will give a 150 dollars.  
Chandler:And your unemployed.  
Joey:Yeah But I think i got a good chance for that par on The time of the day.  
Chandler:really.  
joey:Yeah. Its so awesome.i'll be able to buy all kinds of cool stuff for the apartment.  
Chandler:Okay. I'll bet with you. I won't say anything sarcastic for the whole week.  
Joey:I just got to call everyone. There all going to laugh. You'll never make it a week.  
Chandler:i will so.  
Joey:Its impossible. You do it all the time. I remember the First time I met you.The first thing you said to me was "(Sarcastic) Yo Itailin guy. get me some Chines food.". And the stupid thing was Itilian people are from Itlay not china.  
Chandler:So I still think I can make it.  
  
Setting:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Monica are at the table.  
  
(Rachel comes out of her room in her waitress dress.)  
  
Rachel:Okay. I'm off to work.  
Monica:Okay. See you.  
(Rachel leaves.)  
Monica:So...  
Phoebe:5 apartments.  
Monica: How...  
Phoebe:I don't know. For 2 days I've Known what people are going to say. Just like I knew you were going to ask me that.  
  
(Joey enters.)  
  
Joey:Guess what guys.....  
Phoebe:He'll never last.  
Joey:Huh.  
Monica:Never last what.  
Phoebe:Oh . Joey was about to tell us he made a bet with Chandler that Chandler can't say anything sarcastic for a week.  
Joey:(waving his hand.)Hello still confused over here.  
Phoebe:Oh. The past few days...  
Monica:...she's been seeeing what everybody is saying before they say it.  
Phoebe:And it seems you are too.  
Monica:Huh.  
Phoebe:Well you knew what I was going to say.  
Monica:Thats because you told me.  
Phoebe:oh. You know what. I'm going to just let people talk. Instead of finishing there sentences.  
Monica:Now thats a good idea.  
  
Setting:Ross's apartment. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch.  
  
Chandler:Okay Ross. You have your 500 dollars. How come you haven't asked her out yet.  
Ross:How come you haven't said anything sarcastic.  
Chandler:Having a bet with Joey. If I'm not sarcastic for a whole week I get 150 bucks.  
Ross. Man are you going to lose.  
Chandler:Well there goes me last bit of Self esteem. But stiil Ross. Go get Rachel and I quote "The super perfect gift" and ask her out.  
Ross:I don't know.  
Chandler:Why not. If she's says yes you might actually be happy. What are you afriad of.  
Ross:If we broke up.  
Chandler:so what if you break up.  
Ross:well. It would be like breaking the whole gang up.  
Chandler:why.  
Ross:I don't know. Just let me think about it. Can I have some time alone.  
Chandler:sure.  
(Chandler leaves.)  
  
Setting:Joey and Chandler's Apartment. Joey and Chandler are watching Baywatch. The phone rings.  
Joey:Can you get that.  
Chandler:Nah. Lets just let it ring. we can't miss Baywatch.  
Joey:Yah.  
(Answering machine.)  
A man:Ah if this is Joey Tribbiani's place you got the part of Joey. We start filming on Monday.  
  
Joey:(Jumping up and down.)Ye I got the part.  
Chandler:(jumping up and down.) Oh yeah you did.  
Joey:yes.  
Chandler:your going to be rich.  
Joey:and famous.  
Chandler:bu yeah.  
  
Setting:Rachel and Monica's apartment.Phobe and Monica are on the couch watching T.V. Ross enters.  
  
Ross:..  
Phoebe:Well thats not such a nice hi.  
Ross:huh.  
Monica:oh Phoebe can see the future.  
Ross:oh really. Phoebe. Tellme. What happens here tommorow night at night.  
Phoebe:Well I only see you and Rachel. You tell her you love her and she's kisses you.  
Monica:What.. Ross whats she talking about.  
Ross:Just call Chandler. He'll tell you. See you.  
  
(Ross exits.)  
  
Monica:Ross is in love withh...  
(Rachel enters.)  
Rachel:Ross is in love with who.  
Phoebe:Oh his nw couch.  
Rachel:He's in love with his couch.  
Phoebe:Yeah.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Settting:Monica and Rachel's apartment. The next day. Phoebe is sitting on the couch. Chandler enters.  
  
Chandler:I hear you can tell the future.  
Phoebe:Yeah. So.  
Chandler:Tell me tomorrows lottory numbers.  
Phoebe:Alright.(thinks a minute.) Oh no I can't see the fute any more.  
Chandler:(sarcastic) Oh thank for alllllll your help.  
Phoebe:you said something sarcastic. I'm telling Joey.  
Chandler:Nooo!  
End.  
  
A note from the writer:Okay everyone but Joey and Rachel knows Ross loves Rachel. See what happens the next time.  
  
  
Next Episode:The one with the first. 


	4. The one with the first

Friends  
The one with the first  
  
Setting:Monica and Rachel's apartment.Everyone but Rachel is there. They are all gettting ready to watch the pilot od The time of the day.  
  
Joey:Shhh! Here's the theme song  
(On T.V)  
ThemeSong:The time of the day. Mourning,Afternoon,evening or night. Breakfast,bruch,lunch or Supper. The Time of The Day. Joey Tribbiani as Joe. Mike Myers as Greg. Bryan Craston as Jimmy.  
Chandler:(sarcastic.)That theme song Just rocked didn't it.  
Ross:No actually I thought it was justt...Faantassstic.  
Joey:Oh shut up. i least I'm on T.V  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
(Where we left off a half an hour later.)  
  
Chandler Not Bad.  
Joey:Realy.  
Chandler:Really.  
Monica:so Ross. When are you asking Rachel out.  
Joey:Asking who out.  
Ross:Rachel.  
Phoebe:Hey guys. Joey didn't know that.  
Chandler:Wht's there to Know. Ross is inlove with Rachel.  
Joey:Oh I get it. You guys are funny.  
Ross:What I really love Rachel.  
Joey:Serious.  
Ross:Yeah.  
Joey:Congratualations. You've Finally got rid of your Feelings for Carol.  
Ross:Yep.  
Joey:So when are you asking her.  
Ross:Tonight.  
Monica:Where and what did you get her.  
Ross:Only a 559 bucks ring.  
Chandler:Only 559. Thats alot of money.  
Ross:I would kill a cat for her.  
Phoebe:Ew. Don't kill. That's mean.  
Ross:Anyway. I'm going to meet her at Central Perk. When it closes she always stays. Then I'm going to tell.  
Chandler:(Sarcastic.) And if you sleep there. There will be no coffee in the morning.  
Ross:Why do you need Coffee.  
Chandler:Well on T.V a couple usaul drinks coffee when they wake up.  
Ross:Oh thats why.  
  
Settting:Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are addited to the new super nintendo Joey bought. (Remember the first season took place in 94-95.  
  
Joey:Die you Mushroom head.  
Chandler:Please stop talking to Mario.  
Joey:So I'm allowedd to talk to you but not Mario.  
Chandler:Okay. Tell you what. If you say hi to Mario and He says Hi back I'll let you keep on talking to him.  
Joey:Fine. (to the screen.) Hi Mario.  
Chandler:(prentending to be Mario.) Hi Joey. Why don't you talk to Luigi too.  
Joey:Nah.  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Rachel's locks it up and Ross comes out of the bathroom.  
  
Rachel:oh I didn't know you were still here.  
Ross:Well thats probaly because I've been hiding in the bathroom for 4 hours.  
Rachel:Why were you hiding.  
Ross:I'm just going to come out with it. (Hands Rachel the ring.) I love you.  
RacheL:Wha...I mean What.  
Ross:I love you.  
Rachel: You really do.  
Ross:Yes.  
Rachel:I love you too. That first night I was in town. I knew you were the one. I just didn't know how you felt.  
Ross:Well know you know.  
Rachel:So should we tell the guys.  
Ross:Not yet.  
(Ross kisses Rachel.)  
Ross:now we can tell Them.  
(Ross and Rachel leave.)  
  
Settting:Chandler and Joey's apartment.Chandler and Joey are still on the floor playing Mario.  
  
Chandler:You think Ross has ask rachal out yet.  
Joey:Don't know. do you think Mario asked Peach out.  
Chandler:(sarcastic.) i don't know. why don't you ask him.  
Joey:(to the screeen.)Yo Mario when are you asking Peach out.  
End.  
  
Finally Ross and Rachel Are together. Next Chandler and Monica. When will that happen. read and Find out. 


	5. The one with the 94 Thanksgiving

Friends  
The one with The 94 Thanksgiving.   
  
Setting:Rachel's Bedroom. Ross and Rachel are lying in bed.  
  
RacheL:Wow.  
Ross:Wow.  
Rachel:I mean I never thought you'd be that way.  
Ross:Well there goes my last bit of Self-Esteem.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting:Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are just sitting on the couch.  
  
Chandler:Super Nintendo just isn't fun anymore.  
Joey:I know.  
Chandler:What if we rent a new game game.  
Joey:That won't help. Lets go buy somethingelse thats fun.  
Chandler:Good idea.  
  
Settting:Rachel and Monica's apartment. Phoebe is sitting on the couch watching roseanne. Monica is knitting at the table.  
  
Phoebe:This show has just goten boring.  
Monica:Well thats Probaly because you've seen every episode 345 times.  
Phoebe:Hey Mon, You wanna help me go look for and apartment today.  
Monica:Sure. But don't worry. You can definily stay tommorrow.  
Phoebe:Why tommorow.  
Monica:Its thanksgiving.  
Phoebe:Uh huh . Sure it is.  
Monica:It is. (Passes Phoebe a calander.)  
Phoebe:Oh my god it is. Damn I lost 20 dollars.  
Monica:How did you lose 20 bucks.  
Phoebe:I kinda made a bet with Joey that thanksgiving was in December.  
  
Setting:Ross's apartment.Ross and Rachel are eating toast.  
  
Ross:So are you staying at Monica's for thanksgiving.  
Rachel:of course I am honey.  
Ross:Well I am too. All because my mom and dad had to go on some emergency because my father deals with weather. And there is a huge snowstorm in Florida.  
Rachel:ah Ross.  
Ross:yeah.  
Rachel:They don't have snowstorms in Florida.  
Ross:Sure they do.  
Rachel:Your parents just don't want to be with you.  
Ross:(kinda crying.) Okay.  
Rachel:I can leave if you want.  
Ross:Alright.  
  
Setting:Chandler and Joeys apartment. Chandler and Joey just bought a air hockey table.  
  
Chandler:Man. This Fun.  
Joey:I know. I love my Job. I only have to work 3 days a week and I'm rich.  
  
(Monica enters.)  
  
Monica:Before I forget are you 2 staying at my place for thankgiving.  
Chandler:Woo. woo. No way. You know how much I hate thankgiving.  
Monica:Fine i'll bring you over Macaroni and Cheese tommorow.  
Chandler:(Sarcastic.)Oh yeah. marcaroni and Cheese.  
Monica:What about you Joey. Are you staying at my place tommorrow.  
Joey:Well I guess I have too. My mom said my dad was D.O.A. Whatever that means.  
Monica:Your father is dead.  
Joey:Who said anything about dead.  
Monica:D.O.A means dead on arrival.  
Joey:Oh my god.  
  
(Joey picks up the phone and dials his parents number.)  
  
Joey's Mother:Hello. Tribbiani Resitiance.  
Joey:Hey Ma. Is dad dead.  
J's Mom:No why.  
Joey:Well you said he was D.O.A  
J's mom:I was hoping you didn't know what that meant. The truth is we just don't want you here. Bye.  
(Joey's Mother hangs up.)  
Joey:My father isn't dead they just don't want me.  
Monica:Ah were sorry.  
(Phoebe enters.)  
  
Phoebe:Mon are we going now.  
Chandler:Where are you going.  
Monica:Looking for an apartment for Phoebe.  
  
Setting:A brown looking apartment. Phoebe and Monica are there looking around.  
  
Monica:This one seems pretty nice.  
Phoebe:Yeah for you.  
Monica:Whats wrong with this apartment.  
Phoebe:Its too brown.  
Monica:Its too brown. Phoebe this is the 10th apartment you've turned down.  
Phoebe:So I'm a bit picky.  
Monica:A bit picky. Your crazy. You can't turn down every apartment. Soner or later you have to chose one.  
Phoebe:I know.  
Monica:And anyway what is your problem. When you lived with me a year ago you had no problem moving then. You just took all your stuff and didn't even tell me you moved. You told everyone else but not me.  
Phoebe:Well you always like had a cow if I ever mad a mess.  
Monica:Who wouldn't.  
Phoebe:Normal people.  
Monica:So now I'm not mormal.  
Phoebe:Well yeah.  
  
Settting:The next day. Phoebe and Joey are playing checker at the table. Monica is cooking thankgiving dinner.  
  
Phoebe:ha 5 points.  
Joey:But I got 6.  
Phoebe:You know sometime we are going to have to find out the real rules.  
Joey:Nah. I like ours.  
  
(Ross enters.)  
  
Ross:Hey Mon guess what.  
Monica:What.  
Ross:There actually wasn't a snowstorm in Florida.  
Monica:(Sarcastic.)You don't say.  
Ross:What you knew.  
Monica:Yeah. Mom and dad just wanted to have a thanksgiving on thee own.  
Joey:Ross your Parents don't want you either.  
Ross:Nope. what excuse di your parents use.  
Joey:That my dad was D.O.A  
Ross:Oh.  
(Rachel comes out of her bedroom)  
Ross:Hey Honey.  
Rachel:Hey you.  
Ross:So what did you do last night.  
Rachel:I went to sleep.  
Ross:So did I.  
JoeY:Are all couples this boring.  
Monica:Joey bring Chandler over his Marcaroni and cheese.  
(Monica hands Joey a bowl.Joey leaves the apartment.)  
  
  
(Closin Credits.)  
(3hours later.)  
  
Ross:This was good.  
Joey:It was. Better than my parents.  
Ross:Yeah. everything turned out for the best.  
End. 


	6. The one with the Gift Frenzy Rush

Friends  
The one with the gift Frenzy Rush.  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Everyone is there.  
  
Chandler:So has anyone started there christmas shopping.  
Monica:I haven't.  
Ross:Either have I.  
Phoebe:Same.  
Joey:I forgot to.  
Rachel:Same with me.  
Chandler:Todayis Dec.10th.  
Joey:I'm going to the mall.  
Monica:Me too.  
Rachel:Wait for me.  
Ross:I'm going to go to.  
Phoebe:Bye.  
Monica:Aren't you coming.  
Phoebe:Well there one probem.  
Ross:And that would be.  
PHoebe:I'm broke.  
Everyone:Oh.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting:At the mall. In a bloomingdales store. Monica and Phoebe are there.  
  
Monica:Do you think there is any point getting Rachel something.  
Phoebe:No she always exchanges it. Like that ring Ross gave she took that back.  
Monica:She took that ring back.  
Phoebe:uh huh.  
Monica:Does Ross know.  
Phoebe:I don't know. Who do you think I amm. Mrs. I know everything.  
  
Setting:Somewhere else in the mall. Ross and Rachel are there.  
  
Rachel:Honey.  
Ross:Yes Rach.  
Rachel: Are we going to buy our presents together or separate.  
Ross:I don't know. I mean giving out gifts together is a big commitment.  
Rachel:So who cares. It will also be a lot cheaper.  
Ross:Yeah it would.  
  
Setting: Somewhere else in the mall. Joey and Chandler are there.  
  
Joey:okay I now got Rachel's and Monica's gift.  
Chandler:And that would be.  
Joey:A dustbuster for Monica and a gift certificate for Rachel.  
Chandler:you know most people would actually hate you if you bought them a dustbuster. But giving one to Mon. It just like saying Will you marry me.  
Joey:Then I better go return it.  
Chandler:why.  
Joey:I don't want to be married to a clean freak.  
Chandler:alright.  
  
Setting:Back with Ross and rachel.  
  
Annocer:Now a 50% off deal at JC penny.  
Rachel:I'm outahere.  
  
(Rachels shove about 20 packeges into Ross's arms and Runs off.  
  
Ross:Don't worry. i'll be fine.  
  
(Ross drops all the packeges.)  
  
Ross:Hope Chandler will like his new glassless portable t.v.  
  
Setting:Back with Monica and Phoebe. Monica has bags full of stuff. phoebe has nothing.  
  
Phoebe:What am I going to do.  
Monica:With what.  
Phoebe:Remember I'm broke.  
Monica:Oh yeah. so what are you going to do.  
Phoebe:Well either I get everyone nothing or I do something else.  
Monica:And that is.  
Phoebe:Get on my knees and sacrifice an animal and hope god gives me some money.  
Monica:Or you could get some money off me.  
Phoebe:how much will you give me.  
Monica:How about 100 bucks.  
Phoebe:How about your a cheapasaurus.  
Monica:thats what you say to a friend that sheltered you when you have no home and now is offering you money.  
Phoebe:Uh huh.  
Monica:i hate you.  
Phoebe:no don't hate.Don't put that out in the universe.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting:Central Perk. everyone is there.  
  
Chandler:So did everyone get there gifts.  
Ross:Well rachel seemed to get alot of gifts for just one person.  
Rachel:What I happen to like to buy myself gifts.  
Ross:You bought enough to last the next century.  
Rachel:I like shopping.  
  
End  
Next episode:The one where Joey's secret is revealed. 


	7. The one where Joey's secret is reaveled

Friends  
The one where Joey's secret is revealed.  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Phoebe is playing the guitar and the others are sitting and watching.  
  
Phoebe:(Singing.) Its almost chrismas. And some people will kiss. Because Jesus was born today. Why wasn't he born on May.  
  
(Ross hands Phoebe a dollar.)  
  
Phoebe:Thanks.(Singing) and on christmas...  
Ross:No I'm paying you to stop.  
  
(Opening Credits.)  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Phoebe and Monica are on the couch drinking coffee. rachel is serving the tables.  
  
Phoebe:i really need a job.  
Monica:well they are hirering people at the restaurant I work at.  
PHoebe:Really. I could be like La chef la buffay.  
Monica:Or you could just apply.  
(Rachel comes over.)  
Rachel:I hate that guy.  
Monica:what guy?  
Rachel:see that guy leaving over there.  
(Monica and Phoebe turn thier heads and see a guy exiting.  
Monica:yeah.  
Rachel:Wel he's a regular here. he only leaves a 25 cent tip.  
Monica:No way. what a cheap ass.  
Rachel:I know.  
Phoebe:Anyway. i'm going to see if I can get that chef job.  
Monica:Good luck.  
  
Setting:Joey and Chandler's apartment. joey,Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch.  
  
Chandler:So Ross how are things going with you and Rachel.  
Ross:It as well as a monkey.  
Chandler:I wasn't asking about your thing.  
Joey:enough with the third degree.  
Chandler:Huh.  
Ross:Whats wrong with you.  
Joey:Well if I have to tell you. i think I love Phoebe.  
(Chandler and Ross's eyes bulge.)  
Joey:Whats with your eyes.  
Chandler:are you serious.  
Joey:Yeah.  
Chandler:If it worked out. That means that would be two sets of Friends that have gotten together. which means I might end up with...  
Ross:My sister.  
  
Setting:Where Monica works. Phoebe is working there. She got the job.  
  
Phoebe:Dudu du.  
  
(Phoebe is making spagitti. She accidently drops pancake syrup in it.)  
  
Phoebe:To late now. I guess they'll just have to get use to it.  
(Monica enters.)  
Monica:How's it going.  
Phoebe:Pretty good. Try some spagetti.  
(Monica has a spoon of spaggeti.)  
  
Monica:Its different but good.  
Phoebe:Really.  
Monica:yeah. Whats different in it.  
Phoebe:Pancake syrup.  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Rachel is serving tables. That lousy tipper comes in. Rachel goes over.  
  
Rachel;how may I help you.  
Lousy tipper:Coffee black.  
Rachel:Okay sure.  
(rachel walks away.)  
  
Rachel:(under her breath.) Oh it will be black alright.  
  
Setting:Chandler amd Joey's apatment. where we left off.  
  
Chandler:so when are you going to tell her.  
Joey:Well i was thinking never.  
Ross:Come on you got to tell her.  
Chandler:Yeah you might actually be happy.  
Joey:Fine. Then I'll tell her on christmas.  
  
Setting:Where Monica works. Phoebe is cooking. Her boss comes in.  
  
Boss:ah Ms.Buffay. we have recived complaints that the spagetti tastes syrupy.  
Phoebe:Oh no.  
Boss:Your Fired.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
Setting:Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there.  
  
Monica:Have you seen that lazy tipper anymore.  
Rachel:No. But thats probaly because I added a little something extra in his coffe last time.  
End.  
Next Episode:The one with Merry Christmas. 


	8. The one with the Merry Christmas

Friends  
The One with a Merry Christmas.  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Everyone is present. They are singing Christmas Carols.  
  
Ross:We wish you..  
Everyone:A Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  
Ross:Jingle Bells...  
Chandler:No No No. Were done.  
  
(Opening Credits.)  
  
Setting:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Chandler and Rachel are watching General Hospital. Well actually Rachel is watching General Hospital, Ross is just pretending to watch it because his girlfriend is watching it. Chandler is making coments.  
  
Chandler:You know I never understood the concept of having hospital and bad things happen in it everyday. I mean a normal hospital never has Betrayal,Sex , Romance and a hell lot of deaths.  
Ross:Well were just lucky its not Days of our lives.  
Rachel:What was that Ross?  
Ross:Nothing Honey.  
Rachel:Thought so.  
(Joey enters.)  
  
Joey(Very excited.) Hey.  
Everyone:Hey.  
Joey:Well aren't you going to ask why I'm so happy.  
Rachel:Why.  
Joey;Well The time of the Day has signed on already for a second season. I got a huge raise.  
Chandler:(Sarcastic.) As if you weren't making enough money already.  
Joey:Yeah. But this great. I mean. It will be years before I can ever say the saying "I'm broke."  
Chandler:And it will be ages before I can say "You owe me 789 dollars.  
Joey:How do you figure.  
Chandler:Well. Before when you were jobless I helped you out with the rent,food, coffee and do I have to go on.  
Joey:Fine. I'll just give you the money tomorrow.  
Rachel: So Joey. Have you asked Phoebe out yet.  
Joey:(putting his hands on his hips and is angry.) Who told her.  
Ross:I did.  
Joey:I trusted you.  
Ross:But..  
Joey;(Itialian.) FaFanapoli(Which means F**K you.  
  
Joey leaves and slams the door. Monica enters.  
  
Monica:Whats with him.  
Chandler:Nothing.  
Monica:I hate my job.  
Chandler:And that is because?  
Monica:They said I have to work Christmas. Appearently our resturant is having a christmas day celebration. Its going to be one of the only restuarants open in new york at Christmas.  
Ross:So quit.  
  
Setting:A red wallpapered apartment. This apartment had a bathroom, kitchen ,bedroom and living room. Phoebe and a lady is there.  
  
Lady;So you can move in the new year.  
Phoebe;Really. Igot it.  
Lady:Yes. You got it. So you can just sign a few of these papers.  
PHoebe:Yeah.  
  
Phoebe signs all the papers.  
  
Setting: Monica's work. Monica is in her boss's office.  
  
Boss;Well Hello Monica. Take a seat.  
Monica;I'd rather not.  
Boss: Okay. So why are you here.  
Monica;I was wondering if I could please have Christmas off.  
Boss:I'm sorry. But no.  
Monica:(Thinking.) Now for Ross's plan. (speaking.) I quit.  
Boss;What.  
Monica:You heard me. I quit.  
Boss:I'm not sure if I'm hearing right. Did you just quit.  
Monica:( Now yelling.) Are you deaf end stupid. I said I quit.  
Boss;Fine you don't need to yell  
  
Setting: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel , Chandler and Ross are decorating the Christmas Tree. Joey enters.  
  
Joey:(Staring at Ross) Oh.  
  
Joey is about to leave.  
  
Ross:Wait.  
Joey:You give me one good reason why I should.  
Ross:Because I'm your best friend.  
Joey;Best friends don't tell off all his other friends secrets.  
Ross;The only reason I told Rach is because I go out with her.  
Joey:Fine. I will forgive you. (In a happyer tone.) But you have to let me put the star up.  
Rachel:But I want to put the star up.  
Chandler:(sarcastic.) So do I.  
Joey:Fine. Rach. Rocks paper Scissors.  
Rachel:Fine with me.  
  
Rachel and Joey do Rock Paper Scissors. Rachel wins.  
  
Rachel:Yes.  
Joey:Aw man.  
  
(Monica enters.)  
  
Monica:(depressed.) Hey.  
Chandler:(Sarcastic.)Well aren't we just in a jolly mood.  
Rachel:Whats wrong.  
Monica:I quit my job.  
Everyone:ohh. Too bad.  
Monica:I know. I really liked that job.  
  
(Phoebe enters.)  
  
Phoebe:Guess what.  
Chandler:I'm guessing your looking for an answer more sopesticated than What.  
Phoebe:Huh.  
Joey:Don't mind him.  
Phoebe:I just got a apartment. I move in the new year.  
Monica:Good for you Pheebs.  
Rachel:Yeah. godd for you.  
Phoebe:Thanks. I just can't wait tell tomorrow.  
Ross:I know. Its Christmas time agian already. But this is our first one with Rach.  
Monica:It is too. Isn't it.  
Phoebe:Yeah. Lets make it a good one.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting:Christmas day. Monica and Rachel's. Everyone is opening presents.  
  
Monica:Awesome. Who got me the dustbuster.  
Phoebe:That would be me.  
Monica:Your so great.  
Phoebe:Thanks but I know.  
  
End. 


	9. The One With the year 1995

Friends  
The one with the year 1995  
  
Setting:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is looking in the paper for a job. Phoebe is on the couch.  
  
Monica:Oh here's one. Chef at a restaurant in Chicago.  
Phoebe:Yeah. But you would never move here.  
Monica:A garbage person?  
Phoebe:Oh and then your dream can actually come true. You can clean up the city.  
  
(Opening Theme)  
  
Setting:Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on a laptop at the counter. Joey is on the couch watching there new 54 inch T.V  
  
Chandler:Joe. Thanks for this new laptop.  
Joey:No problem. Why don't you try out doom.  
Chandler:Okay.  
  
An hour Later.  
  
Chandler:This game is awesome. I'm going to play it forever.  
  
Joey gets up and walks to the door.  
  
Chandler:Why are you going.  
Joey:To tell Phoebe I love her.  
Chandler:What.  
Joey:You heard me.  
  
Setting: Ross's apartment. Ross and Rachel are there. The phone rings. Ross answers it.  
  
Ross:Hello.  
Carol:Hi Ross.  
Ross:So why did you call.  
Carol:Do you want to know about the sex.  
Ross:No. Why. I still have trouble picturing you and Susan together.  
Carol:No. The Sex of the baby Ross.  
Ross:Oh. Yeah. Sure tell me.  
Carol: Its going to be a boy.  
Ross:Wow.  
Carol:Anyway. I got to go. See ya.  
Ross:Guess what.  
Rachel:What.  
Ross:My baby is going to be a boy.  
Rachel:Really.  
Ross:Yeah. And you know what. Your probabaly going to be a big part of the Baby's life.  
Rachel:(Not exicited.) Really.  
Ross:Yeah.  
Rachel:Oh my god.  
Ross;What is it.  
Rachel:Its. Well. I don't think I could help you raise him.  
Ross:Why not.  
Rachel: Because. I don't know. I need some time to think.  
Ross:Alright.  
  
Setting:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is there watching T.V. Joey comes in. Joey goes over next to Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe:Oh hey Joey.  
Joey:Fine. I'll just tell you.  
Phoebe:Huh.  
Joey:I love you.  
Phoebe:Wha.  
Joey:I Love you. Everything about you is perfect. The way you sing. The way you eat. Everything.  
Phoebe:Oh my god. I can't handle this right now. Joey. I'm not sure if I have feelings for you.  
Joey:(Very Hurt.) Well I guess it didn't hurt to try.  
  
Joey leaves. POhoebe just sits there still suprised.  
  
Setting:Joey and Chandler's apartment. Chandler moustach is growing. Chandler is playing doom. The Phone rings. Chandler answers it.  
  
Boss:How come you didn't come to work today.  
Chandler:Well. This is the way I thought of it. I could either sit here and play Doom for 8 hours or put in numbers for 8 hours.  
Boss:If you aren't here tomorrow. You're fired.  
  
Chandler hangs up. Joey comes in grabs the laptop and bashes it over his Knee.  
  
Chandler:Well. I guess I'm going to work tomorrow.  
  
Setting: Ross's apartment. Ross is there. Rachel enters.  
  
Rachel:Okay. I've thought it over. I want to be a part of the baby's life.  
Ross:Really.  
Rachel:Really.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting around counting down the seconds to the new year.  
  
Everyone:5..4..3..2..1..Happy New Year.  
  
Ross and Rachel Kiss.  
  
Phoebe:Joey. I love you too.  
  
Phoebe kisses Joey.  
  
Chandler:Should we Kiss.  
Monica:I don't think so. Unless you wanna kiss.  
Chandler:No I don't want to.  
  
End. 


	10. The one with Gerry

Friends  
The One with Gerry  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Everyone is there.  
  
Phoebe:I don't think I can move Mon.  
Monica:What. But you said you found an apartment.  
Phoebe:Yeah. But I'm flat broke. I need money.  
Joey:Well honey..  
Chandler:Joe. You do relize when you say that expression it changes meaning.  
Joey:Any Lobster.  
Phoebe:Oh Yeh. You've finally learned Phoebe Vocabulary.  
Joey:Thanks. But we need a new actress on The Time of The day. You could try out.  
Phoebe:Really.  
Joey:Yeah.  
Phoebe:I could be like an actress.  
Joey:Yeah.  
Phoebe:And get paid a 100000 dollars an episode.  
Joey:I don't think there going to pay you more than they pay me.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel and Ross are there.  
  
Monica:I better get going for my date tonight.  
Rachel:Your going out on a date. Good for you. You haven't been on one forever.  
Monica:Shut up. Its only been 4 months.  
  
Monica leaves.  
  
Ross:Oh my god. Thank God. She finnaly left. I really thought she'd never leave.  
Rachel:Huh.  
Ross:I want to ask you something.  
Rachel:Shoot.  
Ross:Will you move in with me?  
Rachel:I will. I mean. I've never thought of this happening anytime soon. But I will.  
Ross:Alright.  
  
Setting:Chandler and Joey's apartment. All you can see is Chandlers face and he is talking.  
  
Chandler:I can't believe I've been away from you all these years.(Singing.) You are so beautiful to me. Can't you see.  
  
You can now see Chandler on the couch smoking.  
  
Chandler:Ah. Its great Your back.  
  
Joey and Phoebe enter.  
  
Joey:Oh my god. Your smoking.  
Phoebe:Not agian.  
Chandler:What. So I'm smoking. Get over it.  
Phoebe:But Your smoking agian. Remember how well you were not having one for a year.  
Chandler:And this is my reward.  
Joey:Anyway. You want to smoke. You smoke. But it sucks. Phoebe just went down to the station and she didn't get the part on The time of The day.  
Phoebe:They said I didn't have the pointentional.  
Joey:So I said she could live with us.  
Chandler:What. Where would she sleep.  
Joey:In my room. Where we could do a little...  
Chandler:Please stop. What you , her and the bed do is no of my buisness.  
Joey:Haha. So she can move in.  
Chandler:Can you cook Pheebs.  
Phoebe:Well I can make toast.  
Chandler:Your in.  
  
Setting:A restaurant. Monica and Gerry( her date.) are there eating.  
  
Gerry:So are you having a good time.  
Monica:Yeah. I am.  
Gerry:Good. So. What did you say your brother's name was agian.  
Monica:Ross.  
Gerry:What. Ross the Boss Gellar from University.  
Monica:I guess.  
Gerry:Do you know Chandler "The best football player every " Bing.  
Monica:I know a Chandler Bing. But I'm not sure if he's good at football.  
Gerry:What about Kip Opete.  
Monica:No. He's gone.  
Gerry:Good. I hated him. He was a Jerk. So you think I could see Ross and Chandler sometime.  
Monica:Sure. How about tomorrow.  
Gerry:Sure.  
  
Setting:Joey and Chandler's apartment. Everyone except Monica is there.  
  
Ross:I can't believe you started smoking agian.  
Chandler:Big deal. Smokings cool and you know it.  
Phoebe:Guess what. I'm moving in with Joey.  
Ross:This quick. You guys just started going out.  
Phoebe:You and Rachel are moving in together.  
Ross:Thats different. A week and 3 months are very different.  
Phoebe:Uh-huh. So how are they different.  
Ross:Well... There just different.  
  
Phone rings. Joey answers it.  
  
Joey:Hello.  
Man:Is Joey Tribbianni there please.  
Joey:Speaking.  
Man:You have been nominated for a golden globe for the best actor in a comedy series.  
  
Joey hangs up.  
  
JoeY:I've just been nominated for best actor in a comedy series.  
Everyone:Good for you Joe.  
  
Setting:The next day. Monica's and Rachel's apartment. Monica is there. Gerry, Ross and Chandler enter.  
  
Ross:We had a great time.  
Chandler:He even got me too quit smoking.  
Gerry:I love these guys.  
Monica:Cool. I have a boyfriend that you guys like. So Gerry you want to go to a movie tonight.  
Gerry:No. I'm hanging out with Chandler and Ross.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting:3 days later. Monica's apartment. Monica is there. Gerry enters.  
  
Monica:Hey Gerry. Are you busy tonight.  
Gerry:Yep.  
Monica:Thats it were breaking up.  
Gerry:What.  
Monica:In three days you've hung out with my brother and Chandler more than me.  
  
End 


	11. The one where there's reviews

Friends  
The one where there's reviews  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Everyone is there except Monica. Phoebe is sing for Central Perk.  
  
Phoebe:This is one that I made up about my hansome lobster.  
Joey:Oh stop it Pheebs. Your making me blush.  
Phoebe:Okay. Its called The one in my life.(Singing) So once you were my Friend. Now you are much more. Oh yeah. Your the one in my life.  
Chandler:(Sarcastic) You know Pheebs. They might actually make a music video of that one day.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting:Monica's apartment. Monica is sitting on the couch eating ice cream out of the tub and watching T.V. Joey enters.  
Joey:Hey Mon.  
Monica:(Depressed) Hey.  
Joey: Whats with you.  
Monica:Whats with me. Whats with me! I have no job, no roomate , no boyfriend and a tub of ice cream and you ask whats with me!  
Joey:Okay. Anyway. Do you have any newspaper or magazine.  
Monica:Why. Since when do you read.  
Joey:No. I'm reading all the reviews about me and the Golden Globes.  
Monica:Okay. Theres one on the dinner table.  
Joey:Thanks.  
  
Setting:Central Perk. Phoebe is singing for everyone at Central Perk again. Rachel is waiting Tables.  
  
Phoebe: (Singing.) The one in my life. Oh ya. The one in my life. He is cute. He has a ... boot.  
  
A woman walks over to Phoebe.  
  
Women: Hi.  
Phoebe: Oh hi Lady. Who are you.  
Women: I work for a music company. I couldn't help but hearing your wonderful singing.  
Phoebe: Thanks. But I know. So what do you want?  
Women: I work like to shoot a video of The one in my life.  
Phoebe: Really.  
Women: Yeah. You start tomorrow.  
  
Over behind the counter. Rachel walks up to Gunther.  
  
Rachel: Gunther.  
Gunther: What.  
Rachel: Could I have a raise. I mean..  
Gunther: Yes.  
Rachel: What. I had a whole speech planned.  
Gunther: Its because your so ho.. I mean your so good at waitressing.  
Rachel: Uh-huh.  
  
Setting: Chandler, Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the couch. Joey is at the counter reading a newspaper.  
  
Joey: (Exicited.) Oh here I am. Joey Tribbiani nominated for best actor in a comedy series.  
Chandler: And to you thats exciting reading that over and over again.  
Joey: Well.. Ya.  
Chandler: Just checking.  
Joey: Don't you have a date soon.  
Chandler: Yes I do. With Ms. Riley Drover.  
Joey: Drover. What kind of name is Drover. It sounds like...  
Chandler: I right of aware of what it sounds like Joey. But its the inside that counts.  
Joey: And this is coming from Mr. Sarcastic.  
Chandler: Well can't Mr. Sarcastic be nice to a girl.  
Joey: I don't know.  
  
Phoebe enters.  
  
Phoebe: Guess what.  
Chandler: I don't know. But I bet your going to tell us anyway.  
Phoebe: You bet. A music company wants to make a music video of The one in my life.  
Chandler: Oh my god.  
Phoebe: I know. So in your face Chandler.  
Joey: They really want to make a video of it.  
Phoebe: Yeah I start tomorrow. You wanna come Joey.  
Joey: You bet I do.  
  
Setting: A restaurant. Chandler and Riley are there.  
  
Chandler: (Thinking) Oh my god. She is so beautiful.  
Riley: (Thinking.) He is so Hansome.  
Chandler: So What are your hobbies.  
Riley: Chatting on the internet , playing football , playing doom and watching Baywatch.  
Chandler:Oh my god. There the things I like to do.  
Riley: Really.  
Chandler: Yeah.  
  
  
Setting: The next day. Monica's apartment. Monica is on the couch with a few bags of chips around her and is eating a fudgestick and watching T.V. Ross enters.  
  
Ross: Oh my god. What did you do with my sister.  
Monica: Its me alright Ross.  
Ross: Whats gottin in do you.  
Monica: I'm depressed. Everything has gotten out of me more like it. I have no job , no roomate , a fudge stick and no boyfriend.  
Ross: Well. The boyfriend part is kinda your fault. You broke up with the last guy cause you said he hung out with me and Chandler too much.  
Monica: So what.  
  
Setting: Recording studio. Phoebe is there singing. Just singing.  
  
Phoebe: (Singing.) The one in my life. Oh yeah. Your the one one in my life.  
Backround: (Singing.) The one in my life.  
Phoebe: Oh my god what was that.  
Joey: There your backup singings.  
Phoebe: Well. I don't need backup.  
Joey: No Pheebs there Okay.  
  
Setting: The next day. Monica's apartment. Monica is up and about. Every thing is clean. In fact Monica is in her exercizing suit doing Push ups.  
  
Monica: 34..35..36.  
  
Everone enters. Monica gets up.  
  
Ross: Oh wow. Your not depressed anymore.  
Monica: Nope.  
Joey: Hey has anyone heard the name of Chandler's new girlfriend.  
Phoebe: I haven't.  
Joey: Riley (Laughing.) Drover.  
Ross: Joey. That joke is old.  
Joey: Not to me it ain't.  
Rachel: Ain't ain't a word and you ain't supose to use it.  
  
Everyone looks a Rachel.  
  
Rachel: What. I know Grammer.  
Phoebe: Anyone want to see my music video.  
Everyone: Sure.  
  
Phoebe puts in the tape in Monica's VCR. On the screen Phoebe is on a Motorcycle . On the screen Phoebe singing.  
  
Phoebe: (Singing.) Once we were Friends. Now we are much more.  
Backround: (Singing) Much more,  
Phoebe: His name may be Joey , Jim , or Rob. Who knows . Who cares. He's the one in my life . Not yours !  
  
Back to them watching.  
  
Phoebe: Hey I don't remember riding a motorcycle.  
Chandler: Its called 3d animation Pheebs.  
Phoebe: Whatever.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: Chandler, Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Joey is looking in a magazine. Chandler is chatting on the web with Riley.  
  
Joey: Here's another one. Joey Tribbiani new guy around. Now nominated for his hilirious comedy on The time of the day.  
Chandler: Is this what you consider fun.  
Joey:Yeah.  
  
End. 


	12. The one with Florida Part I

Friends  
The one with Florida Part I  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone except Ross is there. Ross comes running in looking very excited.  
  
Ross: (Exicited.) Guess What.  
Chandler: I don't know but I guess your going to tell us anyway.  
Ross: (Still Excited.) The Museum just gave my 6 tickets to go to Florida.  
Phoebe: Thats where Disneyland is right.  
Joey: Is it Ross.  
Ross: Yeah.  
Phoebe and Joey: Alright.  
Ross: But when we get there we have to stay at 3 different rooms for a reason.  
Chandler: What about Riley. Can she come.  
Ross: No. But I hope she doesn't get jealous. You have to share a room with Monica.  
Chandler: Oh great. I get to share a room with Ms. Clean Freak.  
Monica: Hey. Words hurt.  
Chandler: So does not being with your Girlfriend. But you don't see me complaining.  
Monica: Actually you are complaining.  
  
( Opening Theme. )  
  
Setting: Monica's apartment. Everyone is there with all there stuff packed. Monica is running very fast to get everything packed.  
  
Chandler: You know. I think I've seen this on "How to lose all your weight." once.  
Joey: Thats not funny.  
Chandler: I think its alot funnier than your Drover joke.  
Joey: But my joke is funny.   
Ross and Rachel: No its not.  
Phoebe: I think it is.  
Rachel: Thats because you go out with him.  
Phoebe: Well at least I got out with hot stuff. Your going out with well... Ross.  
Ross: And whats wrong with me.  
Phoebe: Well you aura is always dirty and you have to say everything correctly.  
Monica:I'm ready to go.  
Rachel:Okay lets go.  
  
Setting: Airport. Everyone is there.  
  
Rachel: Can you believe they postponed our flight.  
JoeY: I still can't believe I'm going to disneyland.  
Phoebe: Me too.  
Monica: Is that all you two can think about. I'm in it for lying out in the hot sun. This winter has been a bit harsh.  
Ross: I want to check out a few of the museums up there.  
RacheL: Well Honey. You in that alone.  
Ross: Why. What do you want to do.  
Rachel: Go swimming. You people never go swimming. I haven't got to go swimming sense well I started my own life.  
Chandler:Well you can have all your good times. I'll just be thinking " I wish Riley was here. I wish Riley was here."   
Joey: Come on. You can have a good time without her. Can't you.  
Chandler: No.  
  
An hour later. Everyone was slouched in there chairs waiting.  
  
Announcer: The flight for Florida will now be leaving.  
RacheL: Thank God.  
  
They all got up and showed the flight attended there ticket and walked on. They all took seats. Rachel next to Ross. Joey next to Phoebe. Monica next to Chandler. Over by Chandler and Monica.  
  
Chandler: So.  
Monica: So.  
Chandler: You think this will be a good trip.  
Monica: Could be. Why don't you just try to make the good of it without Riley.  
Chandler: I guess I could try.  
Monica: So Chandler. Really what do you want to do up there.  
Chandler: Well I've always wanted to go on a rollercoaster in disney world.  
Monica:So have I. But I have to ask. Why are you so intrested with Riley.  
Chandler: Its not that I'm intrested. Its just I see Joey and Ross so happy with a girl. I figure well why not be happy with her.  
Monica: Oh.  
  
Over by Ross and Rachel.  
  
Ross: How come you don't want to go to the museums.  
Rachel: Well because..Ah... Ah .. I just think Museums are boring.  
Ross: Well you could think of it this way. If it wasn't for the museum I work at we wouldn't be here.  
Rachel: I guess your right.  
Ross: You know I'm roght.  
  
Over by Phoebe and Joey.  
  
Phoebe: I can't wait to get to disneyland.  
Joey: Either can I. I love Ross.  
Phoebe: I thought you loved my.  
Joey: No I love Ross for getting these tickets.  
Phoebe: Oh.  
Joey: So do you want to go on the Rollercoasters or the museum of Disney first.  
Phoebe: You decide.  
Joey: Rollercoasters it is then.  
  
An hour and a half has passed. They all get off the plans and walk into the hotel. The go up to the lady.  
  
Ross: Hi. I have a 3 rooms reserved under Ross Gellar.  
  
Lady types it in.  
  
Lady: There is none here for Ross Gellar. But there's one here for a Boss Gellar.  
Ross: Okay that one.  
Lady: No I can't give you that one caus you said you were Ross and this is Boss. So you can't have the three rooms.  
Monica: Looks like she's playing baseball.  
JoeY: You mean Hard ball.  
Monica: Whatever.  
Chandler: Let me handle this. (To the lady) Okay . Don't blame my friend here. You idoits put the wrong name in. So give us the room or .. or.  
Lady: Or you'll smart talk me to death.  
Phoebe: He does that to us all the time  
Lady: Anyway . You can have the room. But I'll only give it to you if you give me a extra hundred.  
Rachel: Are you blackmail us.  
Lady: Yes.  
Rachel: Just checking.  
Ross: Hey lady. I could go to any other hotel in this state.  
Lady: So why aren't you going.  
Ross: Cause I like this one. Here's a hundred.  
Lady: How about another.  
Ross: How about don't push your luck.  
  
Setting: Chandler and Monica's hotel room.  
  
Monica: So are you ready to go outside.  
Chandler: I miss Riley.  
  
Monica kisses Chandler.  
  
Monica: Do you miss Riley now.  
Chandler: Riley who.  
  
End   
  
Next Episode: The one with Florida Part II 


	13. The one with Florida Part II

Friends  
The one with Florida Part III  
  
Introduction: Wow. Last chapter was the best get together ever. I bet none of you saw that coming. To tell you the truth either did I when i wrote it it wasn't intented to be a Monica and Chandler get together. But it was just perfect. Anyway read on.  
  
Setting: Where we left off.  
  
Chandler: Well I guess the only thing to do now is...  
  
Chandler kisses Monica.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting: In a line up for a rollercoaster. Phoebe and Joey are there. Joey's ahaking.  
  
Phoebe: A Joey your shaking.  
Joey: I know.  
Phoebe: Have you ever been on a roller coaster.  
Joey: No.  
Phoebe: Oh my god. Your a rollercoaster virgin.  
  
Setting: A museum full of boring art. Ross and Rachel are there.  
  
Ross: Isn't this exiciting.  
Rachel: (Unexicited) Yeah.  
Ross: Your not having fun are you.  
Rachel : Whats makes you say that.  
Ross: Fine we'll go swimming.  
Rachel: Yeh.  
  
Setting: On the rollercoaster. Joey is just getting in with Phoebe.  
  
Joey: (Scared.) What are they doing now.  
Phoebe: Letting people on.  
Joey: (Scared.) Now?  
Phoebe: Leting more people on.  
Joey: (Scared.) Now?  
Phoebe: Starting the ride.  
Joey: (Scared.) Now?  
Phoebe: Now your getting on my nerves.  
Joey: (Scared.) Nowowow!  
  
The roller coaster started and then went down a big steep hill. When the ride ended they got off.  
  
Phoebe: That was awesome.  
Joey: (Still scared.) I didn't like it so much.  
Phoebe: Your just a wimp.  
  
Setting: Chandler and Monica's hotel Room. Chandler is there getting dressed. (You know what that means.) Phoebe enters.  
  
Phoebe: Have you seen Monica.  
Chandler: I'm not seeing Monica.  
Phoebe: I said have you seen Monica.   
Chandler: No. Why would I have seen her.  
Phoebe: I don't know. You are hotel roomates.  
Chandler: So. You can't prove nothing.  
Phoebe: God . What is with you.  
CHandler; I should be asking you the same thing.  
  
Monica enters.  
  
Monica: Oh hey Pheebs.  
Phoebe: There you are. Chandler was like having a cow. When I asked where you were he liked flipped.  
Monica: Why would I care what Chandler did.  
Chandler: Yeah. What would she care.  
  
Riley walks in.  
  
Chandler: Riley.  
Monica: Chandler look who it is. It's Riley.  
Riley: Hey Chandler.  
Chandler: Wha.. What are you doing here.  
Riley: I bought my own ticket and came down.  
Chandler: Oh.  
  
Setting: A bar. Joey, Chandler and Ross are there.  
  
Ross: So let me get this straight. You slept with my sister! Then Riley comes down. I will kill you for sleeping with Monica but I'll let Riley do that for me.  
Chandler: What am I going to do.  
Joey: Drugs.  
Chandler: Oh like thats going to help.  
Joey; Well. I guess your in deep shit.  
Chandler: I know. What am I going to do.  
Ross: Who do you care about more.  
  
Setting: Another bar. Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there.  
  
Rachel: And then you slept with him  
Monica: Yeah.  
Phoebe: So Who do you think he will chose. You or Riley.  
Monica: I never thought of that.  
Phoebe: I pretty sur he will chose you.  
Monica: Thanks Pheebs.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's hotel room. Chandler is there thinking.  
  
Chandler: (Thinking.) Who do I care for. Who do I care for. Monica.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
10 minutes later Riley enters.  
  
Riley: You wanted to see me hot stuff.  
  
Riley kisses Chandler. Monica enters.  
  
End  
  
What will Monica do. Find out in the next chapter. 


	14. The one with Florida Part III

Friends  
The one with Florida Part III  
  
Setting: Where we left off.  
  
Monica starts to cry and leaves. Chandler pushes Riley off him.   
  
Chandler: You bitch.  
Riley: What was that for.  
Chandler: I called you in here to break up. I'm in love with Monica.  
  
Chandler runs out of the room and can't find Monica.  
  
Setting: Ross and Rachel's Hotel Room. Chandler and Ross are there.  
  
Chandler: Dammit. I'm gonna lose her. I'm going to lose the love of my life.  
Ross: How do you love her. You slept with her once and kissed twice.  
Chandler: I just know it. Why was I so stupid. Monica thinks I still love Riley. I'm outta. If you see Monica. Tell her I love her.  
  
Setting: In the hallway next to Chandler and Monica's Hotel room. Ross is there. Chandler walks up.  
  
Chandler: I looked all over for her.  
Ross: I saw her. She said she was flying back to New York and don't call her.  
Chandler: I guess I'll just go in the room.  
  
Chandler enters his and Monica's Hotel room. It is lighted by candlelight. Monica is sitting at a dinner table.  
  
Ross: I'll leave you two alone.  
  
Chandler sits down.  
  
Chandler: What are you still doing here.  
Monica: Ross told me the whole story.  
  
Joey comes out of the bathroom wearing a waiter suit.  
  
Joey: (Accent.) May I take you order.  
Monica:Sure.  
  
Setting: The beach. Everyone is there. They are all playing Volleyball. The Girls Versus the Guys.  
  
Rachel: Were going to kill you.  
Monica: And Chandler. Don't think because of last night I'm going to take it easy on you.  
Chandler: I wouldn't dream of it honey.  
Monica: No. We both know what your dreaming.  
Joey: Can we just get this game going.  
  
The game got going. Rachel served and it hit Joey in the temple. He fell to the ground and was knocked out. Everyone ran over to him.  
  
Chandler: Rachel how could you do that. You hit very had. I thought you couldn't even break an egg.  
Rachel: I can't break an egg.  
  
A few minutes later Joey wakes up.   
  
Joey: Oww!  
Chandler: He's fine Ladies and Gentleman.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: Everyone is at the airport.  
  
Rachel: I can't believe its over already.  
Chandler: I know. it seems like yesterday I was still in love with Riley.  
Monica: But now he loves me.  
End 


	15. The one with Golden Globes

Friends  
The one with the Golden Globes  
  
Introduction: I know the Golden Globes take place in January but in this fic it takes place at the end of Febuary.  
  
Setting: Joey, Phoebe and Chandler's apartment. Phoebe and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Joey comes out wearing a suit.  
  
Joey: How do I look.  
Phoebe: I don't know. I think I liked the 59th one better.  
Joey Can't a guy make sure he looks good.  
Chandler: No.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting: Monica's apartment. Joey is there in his suit. Chandler is sitting on the couch not in a suit.  
  
Joey: Chandler. Hurry up get dressed  
  
Chandler looks at his watch.  
  
Chandler: I do have another half an hour  
Joey: (Yelling.) Get dressed Dammit.  
Chandler: Don't have a cow.  
  
Monica comes out wearing a red dress.  
  
Joey: You look great.  
Chandler: Hey thats my girlfriend Your talking to.  
Monica: Can't he complament me.  
Chandler: I guess so.  
Joey: Man. Where's Ross and Rachel. The Golden Globes are going to start any second.  
  
Joey picks up th phone and dials Ross and Rachel's number.  
  
Ross: Yellow.  
Joey: (Yelling.) Yellow. Don't you Yellow me. The Golden Globes are going to start in an hour  
Ross: Fine. We won't come by Monica's. We will go straight to the Golden Globes.  
Joey: You better.  
  
Joey hangs up. Phoebe enters wearing a dark blue dress.  
  
Joey: Wow your looking great.  
Phoebe: Thanks but I know.  
Joey: I love it when you say that.  
Phoebe: I love it when you complament me.  
  
Joey and Phoebe kiss.  
  
Chandler: (Sarcastic.) My eyes.  
Joey: I'm gonna go get a cab. When I get back up you better be.. well .. dressed.  
  
Setting: Joey is going up the red carpet to go into the building. Everyone is around him.  
  
Joey: Why is this carpet red anyway. Why not green or blue.  
Rachel: You know Joey. I don't know either.  
  
A reporter comes up to Joey.  
  
Reporter: Hello Joey Tribbiani.  
Joey: Hi all you fans out there.  
Reporter: So which one of these beautiful ladies is your date.  
Joey: This one right here (Joey puts his arm around Phoebe's shoulder.)  
Phoebe: Hi my name is Phoebe. I'm 27 years old. I have a music.....  
Reporter: Hey. Is that Brad Pitt.  
  
Reporter walks away.  
  
PHoebe: Well that just plain hurts mu feelings.  
  
Setting: At one of the table everyone is there. Up on stage a man comes out.  
  
Man: Alright. We will start by doing the best actress in a comedy series. The nominess are Roseanee Arnold for Roseanne. Lisa Kudrow for Friends.......  
  
Phoebe: You know I've noticed a recembalance between my and Lisa Kudrow.  
Joey: I don't see it.  
Man: and Betty Joke for The time of the day. And the winner is Lisa Kudrow.  
Phoebe:Yeh. The girl that looks like me won.  
Man: Now for the best actors in a comedy series. John Goodman for Roseanne , Jerry Seinfeld for Seinfeld and Joey Tribbiani for The time of the day. And the winner is Joey Tribbiani.  
  
Joey goes up on stage.  
  
Joey: Well. First off. I would like to thank the writers for writing a wonderful show. And I would like to thank my friend ross, Chandler , Rachel, Monica and my wonderful girlfriend Phoebe. While I have the chance Phoebe come up here.  
  
Phoebe comes up. Joey kneels down.  
  
Crowd: (Sighing) Oh.  
Joey: Phoebe Buffay will you marry me.  
Phoebe: You betcha.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey are back in there seats. Some Guy name Jim Bob just won an award.  
  
Jim:.. While I have the chance Sherry come on up here.  
  
Jim neals down.  
  
Joey: Oh look. He's copying me. What a Jerk. 


	16. The one with the religion

Friends  
The one with the Religion.  
  
Setting: Rachel and Ross's apartment. Rachel and Ross are kissing on the couch. Barry walks in.  
  
Barry: I'm still in love with you Rachel.  
Ross: We've got to start locking that door.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting: Chandler , Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Phoebe and Joey are at the table eating cookies and planning there wedding.  
  
Phoebe: Why do they call them oreo's.  
Joey: I don't know. Why do they call them fudgeo's.  
Phoebe: Hmmm.  
Joey: Hmmm.  
Phoebe: Maybe there called Oreo's because There shaped like an O  
Joey: And maybe there called Fudgeo's because they have Fudge in them.  
Phoebe: Yeah Maybe.  
Joey: So anyway. Back to the wedding. What church will we have it at.  
Phoebe: The church of your religion.  
Joey: I don't have a religion.  
Phoebe: What do you mean You don't have a religion.  
Joey: I don't have a religion.  
Phoebe: You have to have a religion.  
Joey: My mom told me I had no religion.  
Phoebe: Well . She's a liar.  
Joey: Are you calling my mom a liar.  
Phoebe: Well what did I just say.  
Joey: I guess I could make up a religion.  
Phoebe: Yeah. You could. But would the goverment go for it.  
Joey: Maybe. It could be like Joey Religion.  
Phoebe: Yeah it could.  
  
Ross enters.  
  
Ross: (Depressed.) Hi.  
Joey: When he says hi I feel lie I could kill myself.  
Ross: (Depressed.) Why is life the way it is.  
Phoebe: I like the game Life too.  
Ross: Huh. Anyway. Barry came to our apartment this morning. He said he felt to much for Rachel and couldn't give her up.  
Joey: So is Rachel with him again.  
Ross: I don't know. They went out to talk.  
Phoebe: Its okay. She won't leave you. She's your lobster.  
Ross: And again. Where did you get that saying to.  
Phoebe: A fortune cookie. But it still counts.  
Joey: Anyway. I'm gonna go find out what Religion I am.  
  
Settting: Central Perk. Everyone except Rachel and Joey are there.  
  
Phoebe: Rachel's not back yet Ross. This must be killing you.  
Ross: It is.  
Monica: Why would you even worry. Rachel left this guy at the alter.  
Ross: I know.  
Chandler: Don't worry. Some people got worst more worries on there mind. Like what Religion am I. (Laughs.)  
Phoebe: Oh shut up. So Joey doesn't know what Religion he is.  
Monica: I thought of something last night.  
Ross: Oh my god. You didn't think.  
Monica: Shut up. Anyway. It wouldn't be a commitment but Chandler could move in with me. I mean your living with two other people.  
Chandler: I could. But Phoebe might get mad if I take my labtop.  
Phoebe: What. I love Sim City. You get to build a city with little tiny incy bitsy people. Then you can raise taxes and watch them ...  
Monica: We get your point.  
Phoebe: Its Fun.  
  
Rachel enters.  
  
Rachel: Hi.  
Ross: Hi.  
Phoebe: Oh enough with the hi's. What happened.  
Rachel: Nothing. We went shopping. He bought me these wonderful shoes and then I told him I had a wonderful boyfriend and I couldn't go back to him. Though he did cry some lot after that.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Chandler is packing his stuff. Joey enters.  
  
Joey: Can you believe.  
Chandler: No.  
Joey: My mom said I was Christian. She don't even know my name.  
Chandler: Ah Joe.  
Joey: What.  
Chandler: Never mind.  
End 


	17. The one with Baseball

Friends  
The one with all the football.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is on the couch eating chips and Watching T. V Monica comes  
Chandler: Well Hello Ms. Beautiful.  
Monica: What do you think you doing.  
Chandler: Huh.  
Monica: Your getting chip crumbs all over the sofa.  
Chandler: I love you too honey.  
  
Joey and Phoebe enter.   
  
Joey: Hey you guys. Me and Pheebs had an idea. Why don't we go outside and play baseball.  
Chandler: It might have something to do with were over 20.  
Phoebe: Come on you wimp. Baseball is for adults too. like the olb.  
Chandler: You mean the MLB.  
Phoebe: Whatever.  
Monica: I think it would be fun. We could call Ross and Rachel.  
Joey: Rachel .. play.. (Laughs) Baseball.  
Monica: You can laugh all you want. But you won't be laughing when you find out she was on our university baseball team.  
Chandler: But then again. That baseball team was made of all girls.  
Monica: Whats your point. Cause you know. You can sleep on the sofa tonight.  
Chandler: I'm just saying. Well. Boys are better at baseball than girls.  
Monica: (Putting hands on hips.) Oh are they now. Your going down.  
Phoebe: Yeah. Boys vs Girls.  
  
Ross and Rachel enter.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting: A abandoned Field. Everyone is there.  
  
Rachel: So if I got this right. Were have a sexiest match.  
Joey: You make it sound so cruel.  
Ross: No No. She made it sound exactly how it is.  
Chandler: Shut up Mr. I know everything.  
Monica: Yeah. Ross. Its not a sexiest match. Its just a boys vs Girls. Where the Girls are going to win.  
Rachel: What are we going to use as bases.  
Phoebe: We could use my shoe.  
Joey: There are four bases Pheebs.  
Ross: How about some garbage.  
Rachel: Thats exactly what I want to do Honey. Go looking through a Garbage can.  
Monica: Then what are we going to do.  
Chandler: Well. There's some boards over there. We could use those.  
Phoebe: Okay. We'll use those. But who goes First.  
Rachel: We should. As the saying goes " Ladies First."  
Ross: Woo Woo Woo. Why should you guys go first.  
Monica: Cause (putting on a puppy face.) Were only wimping Girls.  
  
5 minutes later . The bases are put out. The boys are up first. Monica is on second base. The base is crooked and has dust all over it. Monica leans down and straightens it and wipes all the dust off. Rachel is pitching. Phoebe is on first. Ross is up.  
  
Chandler: Play Ball. I've always wanted to say that.  
  
Rachel gets ready. Ross and Rachel eye each other.  
  
Rachel: Just cause we slept together. Expect no mercy.  
  
Rachel pitches it. It is faster than 90 Miles Per Hour. Ross swings but by then the pitch is gone. Joey throws it to her.  
  
Joey: Holy Crap. Where did you learn to throw like that.  
Rachel: My mother.  
  
After 4 innings the score is 17-2 for the girls. The girls are up and the boys are in the field. Ross is pitching. Rachel is up.  
  
Ross: This is the end Greene.  
Rachel: Your flys down Gellar.  
  
Ross lends down and does up his zipper. Ross pitches and Rachel bashes it. It hits the fence. Chandler runs back to get it. Rachel is running for second now. Chandler is about to pick up the ball but trips in his shoelace. Rachel is rounding for home. Chandler regains his balance picks up the ball and throws it to Joey who is now by home plate. Rachel slides to home plate and Joey catchhs the ball. Rachel was safe.   
  
( Closing Credits. )  
  
A while later it is the bottom of the ninth. 23 - 23 Ross was pitching. Rachel was up again.  
  
Ross: Your finished Greene.  
Rachel: Your flys still down Gellar.  
  
Ross leans down to do up the already done up zipper.  
  
Rachel: Ha. I made you look.  
  
Ross pitches the ball. Rachel wails it. It fly throw a house nearby's window.  
  
Chandler: Game tied Huh.  
Monica: Yep.  
Phoebe: Run.  
Joey: Yep.  
  
Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Joey run off.  
  
Old Lady: Is that you rekect kids again.  
  
End. 


	18. The one with the beach

Friends  
The one with the beach.  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is there.  
  
Phoebe: You know what.  
  
Chandler: No but I bet in the next few seconds I'm gonna find out.  
  
Phoebe: Uh huh. We haven't went to the beach in a while and I think we should.  
  
Monica: Yeah. That would be nice we could spend the whole day there tomorrow.  
  
Chandler: Thats the way I want to spend a Saturday.  
  
Monica: Well if you don't go you'll be spending tonight on the couch.  
  
RacheL: I think it would be a great idea.  
  
Joey: It would be.  
  
Ross: You know what I've never understood is why women can put men out on the sofa. But men can't put women on the sofa.  
  
Rachel: Why were you ever planning on putting me on the sofa.  
  
Ross: No I've never thought of doing it to you.  
  
Joey: I've thought I was going to do it to my exgirlfriend Jellisa.  
  
Phoebe: You would thought of putting a women on the couch.  
  
Joey: Hey. Don't put all the blame on me. Monica started all this because she said she was going to put Chandler out on the couch all because he didn't want to go to the beach.  
  
Ross: Nice save Joe. But get ready to feel the wrath of Monica.  
  
Monica: Shut up Ross. Okay. So you will meet at my apartment tomorrow at 9:00 and we will spend the whole day there.  
  
Rachel:Sounds Fine.  
  
Chandler: Woo Woo Woo.  
  
Monica: What.  
  
Chandler: Since when is it just your apartment.  
  
Monica: Sorry. We will all meet at me and Chandler's apartment.  
  
Chandler: Thank you.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting. The next day at Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica got a little bag packed for the day.  
  
Monica: Where are they. its 9:01. There late.  
  
Chandler: Well Mon. Newsflash. Not everyone is a on time clean freak like you.  
  
Monica: Thats it your sleeping on the couch tonight.  
  
Chandler: You don't mean that.  
  
Monica: Oh I mean it alright,  
  
Chandler: No way. You don't mean it. You don't mean it.  
  
Monica: You wanna bet.  
  
Rachel and Ross enter. Ross got a blanket , towels and two big bags off stuff.  
  
Monica: Oh my god. Where are you guys going.  
  
Rachel: Well you said were going to the beach right.  
  
Monica: Yes. For a day. Not a week.  
  
Rachel: What. I only brought limited amount of stuff.  
  
Monica: Yeah. Enough for 45 people.  
  
Ross: Anyone want to help here.  
  
Chandler: Sure Ross.  
  
Chandler is about to walk over to Ross who is right next to the door but Joey and Phoebe opens the doors and Knock all the stuff out of Ross's arms.  
  
Ross: Now look what you've done.  
  
Joey: What all you got to do is lean down and pick it up.  
  
Phoebe: I'm so exicited. Today is going to be so fun. How long does it take to get to the beach.  
  
RacheL: About 45 minutes why.  
  
Phoebe: Oh no. Not that long.  
  
Monica: Why is that so long.  
  
Phoebe:Well when I'm exicited time goes very slow for me.  
  
Joey: Anyway Ross. Were using your new car right.  
  
Ross:Yep.  
  
Chandler: Yeah. He's bramd new Forrrrrrd.  
  
Monica: Why do you always strech the R is ford.  
  
Chandler: I like doing it. Forrrrd.  
  
Joey: Hey that one was shorter.  
  
Chandler: Hey. Your stupid.  
  
Phoebe: Did you just call me boyfriend stupid.  
  
Chandler: Well unless your deaf end stupid. Yes.  
  
Phoebe: Why you little.  
  
Monica: Break it up.  
  
Setting: The car. Ross is driving. Rachel is in the passenger seat. Monica, Chandler, Pheobe and Joey are squezzed in the back.   
  
Phoebe looks at the clock. It was nine thirty. Phoebe thought it would be forever until they got there. She switched to one position. Then to another position. Then she looked out into the very warm sky. She put a cloth on her head because it was so warm. She looked at the clock now. She thought they must be almost there. It said 9:31.  
  
Phoebe: Ross. I think your clock's broken.  
  
Ross: Why would you say that.  
  
Phoebe: Well. You've been driving for like 40 minutes now.  
  
Rachel; Pheebs. We just started a minute ago.  
  
Phoebe: Oh see. What I told you. When I'm excited time goes slower. Like when I was going to go on my first date in Grade 6.  
  
Monica: We've heard this story a million times. We don't want to hear it again.  
  
Joey: I want to hear it again.  
  
Ross: No Monica Your exagerating. We've only heard it 56 times literaly.  
  
Chandler: Well I counted 57.  
  
Monica: Oh yeah. That time when Ross wasn't there.  
  
Phoebe: Fine then. I won't tell it.  
  
Chandler: (Sarcastic.) Ah. Why not. I wan to hear it.  
  
Phoebe: Alright. Well once when I was in Grade six.  
  
Setting: At the beach. There getting out of the car and are opening the trunk.  
  
Phoebe: Oh my god. That felt like a weeek. I thought we'd never get here.  
  
Joey: I can't wait. We can go swimming.   
  
Rachel: I know. i love swimming. You know I was my school champion in high school at swimming.  
  
Chandler: So let me get this straight. In high school you were a swimming champion. In university you were a baseball champion. What was Monica. Did she jump of the diving board when the pool neede to be drained.  
  
Monica: Two nights.  
  
Chandler: Two nights what.  
  
Monica: Your sleeping on the couch for two nights.  
  
Chandler: You don't mean that.  
  
Monica: Oh believe. I do. Whenever I say something. it goes. Why don't you ask Ross. I told him I was going to beat him up. And ask him what happened.  
  
Ross: She beat me up. But that was when we were kids.  
  
Joey: Haha. You got beat up by your younger sister.  
  
Ross: I could take her now.  
  
Monica: Oh you think. This means war.  
  
Ross: Bring it on.  
  
Chandler: Ross. Promise me something.  
  
Ross: What.  
  
Chandler: Never use that expresion again.  
  
Setting: Chandler and Monica are in the water. Ross and Joey are in the water away from them. Phoebe and Rachel are lying on the beach. Over by Joey and Ross.  
  
Ross: So your gonna help me get Monica.  
  
JoeY: i can't believe you want two people going after your sister.  
  
Ross: But she's got Chandler. Well lets go.  
  
Ross swims over near Monica. He goes behind her. He jumps in to the air and falls back down into the water. The splash gets Monica and Chandler.  
  
Monica: You dead.  
  
Ross: What cha goin to do. Ross swims off. Monica swims after him. Joey goes over to Chandler.  
  
Joey: Think she'll catch him.  
  
Chandler: Oh yeah.  
  
Over by Phoebe and Rachel.  
  
Rachel: that was a nice tan before I go into the water.  
  
Rachel goes into the water and hops back out.  
  
Phoebe: Whats wrong.  
  
Rachel: Co ... Cold.  
  
Phoebe: Well duh. You got to get use to it.  
  
Rachel: Since when When I used to go swimming inside it was already heated.  
  
Phoebe: (Looking at Monica chase after Ross in the water.) It should already be heated with Monica's hot head.  
  
Setting: After. Ross and Joey are in the water together again. Monica is swimming underwater and pulls on Ross's legs and pulls him under water. Then she gets up.  
  
Monica: Now were even.  
  
Ross: Oh no. Were not even close. I splashed you and you almost drowded me. Oh your dead.  
  
Chandler comes over  
  
Chandler: Why don't you just end it before things gets ugly.  
  
Monica and Ross: No.  
  
Chandler: Okay just sugesting.  
  
Joey: Why do you too always agrue. Theres got to be a special place in heaven who went to high school with you guys.  
  
Rachel swims out to them.  
  
Rachel: It doesn't feel cold anymore.  
  
Ross: (To Monica.) This isn't over.  
  
  
The war goes on. They leave after awhile.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is sitting on the couch. All of a sudden a water ballon hits Ross's head. Ross goes over to the window and see's Monica at the balcony.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica goes back inside. Chandler is next to the bedroom doorway.  
  
Chandler: Ready.  
  
Monica: Ready for what.  
  
Chandler: To go to bed.  
  
Monica: I am.  
  
Monica goes into the room. She comes back out and gives Chandler a blanket and a pillow.  
  
Monica: I don't forget things easily.  
  
End. 


	19. The one with a dinner

Friends  
The one with a dinner.  
  
Introduction: I forgot to mention in my last few fics that Ross and Rachel live in the apartment they live in now in the real show. Sorry for any confusing.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are are on the couch.  
  
Phoebe: (Staring at the air hockey table.) How come you've never asked me to play that air hockey thing.  
  
Joey: Well I figured you didn't know how to play.  
  
Phoebe: Why. Because I'm a girl. Is that it. Huh. Are you a sexiest.  
  
Joey: Okay. Do you know how to play.  
  
Phoebe: No. But you could teach me.  
  
Joey: Fine I'll teach you.  
  
Phoebe:Now.  
  
Joey: No. After I take a nap.  
  
Phoebe: Why do you need to take a nap.  
  
Joey: Teaching you how to play air hockey. I'll need all the energy I can get.  
  
Phoebe: Whatever.  
  
( Opening Theme. )  
  
Setting: Rachel and Ross's apartment. Ross and Rachel are eating breakfest in there Robes.  
  
Ross: Are you doing anything tonight.  
  
Rachel: No why.  
  
Ross: My mom and dad want to have us over for dinner tonight.  
  
Rachel: I don't know. I mean Jack and Judy liked me alot when I was just friends with your sister. But are your parents okay with us going out.  
  
Ross: Yeah. Why wouldn't they be.  
  
Rachel: I don't know. Okay. I'll go to dinner tonight.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Joey is on one side of the air hockey table and Phoebe is on the other. They are playing it.  
  
Phoebe: This so easy. Why did you think it would be so hard for me.  
  
Joey: I don't know.  
  
Joey knocks the puck in.  
  
Joey: Point for me.  
  
Phoebe: You cheated.  
  
Joey: How did I cheat.  
  
Phoebe: You.. You .... You. I don't know. But I'm gonna kick your ass.  
  
Joey: Oh great.  
  
Phoebe knocks the puck in.  
  
Joey: Not bad Pheebs. Now I can actually start playing.  
  
Joey gets it in 6 times. Then Phoebe gets it in once.  
  
Phoebe: Yeh. I got another point. I'm winner.  
  
Joey: Your not winning. Its 7-2.  
  
Phoebe: But I got a point.  
  
Monica and Chandler enter.  
  
Chandler: Air hockey. For those of you who liked hockey.  
  
Joey: Chandler. Promise me something.  
  
Chandler: Yeah.  
  
Joey: Never go into advertising.  
  
Monica: What are you guys up to.  
  
Joey: I just taught Phoebe how to play air hockey.  
  
Monica: Let me have a try.  
  
Monica takes Phoebe's place. Monica shoots the puck in right away.  
  
Monica: (Pointing a finger at Joey.) You suck.  
  
Joey looks at Chandler.  
  
Chandler: Let me take a shot.  
  
Chandler takes Joey's spot. Monica gets a shot at him.  
  
Monica: I thought Joey sucked. I guess its I rock.  
  
Setting: Judy and Jack Gellar's house. Ross and Rachel enter. Judy comes over and hugs Ross and then hugs Rachel.  
  
Judy: Come sit down.  
  
Jack: Yes please sit.  
  
Rachel and Ross sit on the couch. Jack and Judy sit on the oppisite couch.  
  
Judy: So Rachel. How have you been.  
  
Rachel: I've been good. Especially sense me and Ross got together.  
  
Jack: I hope you like lobster Rachel.  
  
Rachel looks at Ross.   
  
Ross: Mom. Rachel is allergic to Lobster.  
  
Judy: Oh well thats too bad. I'll order a pizza instead.  
  
Rachel: No mushrooms. I'm allergic to those too.  
  
Judy leans down to Ross's ear.  
  
Judy: (Whisper.) She allergic to too much.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Monica , Chandler , Joey and Phoebe are standing around the air hockey table.  
  
Monica: I've whopped you all. I rock.  
  
Chandler: Fine less have a two on to game.  
  
Joey: Okay.  
  
Chandler: I'm on Mon's team.  
  
Phoebe: What so you can we. I'm on Mon's team.  
  
Joey: Why. I should be on Monica's team.  
  
Monica: I'm not a candy bar.  
  
Joey: But I want to be on your team.  
  
Phoebe: No I do.  
  
Chandler: No I should. I sleep with her.  
  
Monica: Fine. Three on one. I'll beat you all.  
  
Chandler: Fine. But since you wouldn't let me on your team. You going down.  
  
Chandler , Joey and Phoebe get on one side. Monica gets on the other. 5 minutes later the score is 6-1 for Monica.  
  
Monica: Hey Chandler. When am I going down.  
  
Chandler: Shut up. Your sleeping on the couch tonight.  
  
Monica: Your kicking me to the couch.  
  
Chandler: Yeah.  
  
Monica: No mister. Your the one sleeping on the couch tonight.  
  
Chandler: For what. All I did was lose.  
  
Setting: The Gellar's. Ross , Judy, Jack and Rachel are sitting at the table eating pizza.  
  
Judy: So how is Monica doing.  
  
Ross: Great.  
  
Rachel: Especially since she started Going out with Chandler.  
  
Ross stares at Rachel.  
  
Jack: Monica has a boyfriend.  
  
Judy: And its Chandler Bing! Why didn't she tell us.  
  
Ross: Because you hate Chandler.  
  
Jack: We don't hate him. He is just too sarcastic.  
  
Judy: And too smart for his own good.  
  
Ross: Well Monica loves him and there's nothing you guys can do about that.  
  
Judy: She loves him. You just said they were going out. What happened to Chandler's girlfriend Riley.  
  
Rachel: Thats a long story and we wouldn't want to bore you with the details.  
  
Jack: We've got all the time in the world.  
  
Ross: remember when we went to Florida.  
  
Judy: Yes. But Chandler was with Riley then.  
  
Ross: Anyway Chandler keeped complaining about missing Riley so much so Monica kissed him.  
  
Judy: You mean she started the realationship. I didn't think she'd sink so low. But anyway continue.  
  
Rachel: Well the next day Riley came to Florida and Kissed Chandler and Monica entered the room.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Chandler , Phoebe and Joey are beat out on the couch. Monica is standing up with all the energy in the world.  
  
Monica: Come on. Play another game.  
  
Joey: You beat us 7 times what more do you want.  
  
Monica: To win again.  
  
Chandler: Monica I'm so worn out. Just.. ah forget.  
  
Phoebe:Monica we just don't want to play anymore.  
  
Monica: PLAY!  
  
Joey: Thats it.  
  
Joey gets up picks up Monica and puts her in the hallway. Then he closes the door.  
  
Chandler: Thanks Joe.  
  
Joey: Oh no. Your going to. Phoebe get one end.  
  
Phoebe grabs Chandler's legs and Joey grabs his head. They throw him out in the hallway.  
  
( Closing Credits. )  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is in there usaul seats.  
  
Ross: So Joey . When are you guys getting married.  
  
Joey: In June.  
  
Chandler: Why not July.  
  
Joey: Because. Now We want it to be early.  
  
End 


	20. The one with the truth about Florida

Friends  
The one with the truth about Florida  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is there.  
  
Monica: I love Florida. It brought me and Chandler together.  
  
Joey: It almost brought a marrage too.  
  
Phoebe: You were going to ask me to marry you in Florida.  
  
Chandler starts shaking his head back anf forth saying No. Joey didn't get it.  
  
Joey: No. When we got there Chandler called Riley to tell her to come down tomorrow and he was going to ask her to marry him.  
  
Monica: He did what!  
  
Chandler: Well then I didn't know I'd end up sleeping with you that night.  
  
Monica: How could you. You dated her a month.  
  
Chandler: I thought she was the one.  
  
Monica: So what. I'm not the one for you!  
  
(Opening Credits.)  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Phoebe and Joey are starting to make up invitations for their wedding.  
  
Phoebe: Do you think Chandler and Monica worked out there problem yet.  
  
Joey: I don't know. I'm such an idiot. I thought he told Monica that.  
  
Phoebe: Its okay. You didn't know.  
  
Joey: I know.  
  
Phoebe: Here. Lets just start the invitations.  
  
Joey: Sure. So who are you going to invite.  
  
Phoebe: I have no family.  
  
Joey: What about your twin Ursaula.  
  
Phoebe: Yeah. But I don't like her. My mom is dead and my dad is somewhere.  
  
Joey: We could look up your dad somewhere.  
  
Phoebe: But why would I invite a man who left me when I was a baby to my wedding.  
  
Joey: So what. You have no guests.  
  
Phoebe: Well what about Monica and Rachel.  
  
Joey: Okay you have two. Speaking of which which one's your maid of honour.  
  
Phoebe: Both of them.  
  
Joey: There can only be one.  
  
Phoebe: Okay. Monica.  
  
Joey: Alright. Thats settled.  
  
Phoebe: No wait. Rachel. No. Monica. No. Rachel. I can't decide.  
  
Joey: Just choose one.  
  
Phoebe: You chose for me.  
  
Joey: Alright. Rachel.  
  
Phoebe: Okay. No. I want to decide for myself.  
  
Joey: Choose then.  
  
Phoebe: Okay. Monica use to be my roomate. So Monica. No. Rachel.  
  
Joey: This is going to be a long day.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Chandler are standing up arguing.  
  
Monica: (Crying.) You thought she was the one. You were going to marry her. I hate you.  
  
Chandler: But I didn't know I'd end up sleeping with you that night.  
  
Monica: (Crying.) Okay. Here's a question. How come in bed you said you had loved me before that. Huh. So why would you ask Riley to marry you. Did you lie to me.  
  
Chandler: But....  
  
Monica: ( Crying.) Just leave. Get out of this apartment. I don't think I ever want to see you again.  
  
Chandler: Mon. I love you. If I had married Riley it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.  
  
Monica: Out!  
  
Setting: Rachel and Ross's apartment. Rachel is in the bathroom. Ross is on the couch.  
  
Ross: Rach you've been in there for 2 hours now. Whats wrong. Are you still using.  
  
Rachel: No.  
  
Ross: Then what.  
  
Rachel: Okay.  
  
Rachel walks out and sits on the couch.  
  
Rachel: Honey. When I said this don't freak out. But ....  
  
Ross: But what.  
  
Rachel: I'm pregnaut.  
  
Ross: Pardon. I thought you just said you were pregnaut.  
  
Rachel: I did.  
  
Ross: You mean. That is almost impossible. Carol is due anytime now and now your pregnaut.  
  
Rachel: Yes.  
  
Ross: My son will have a sibiling.  
  
Rachel: Yes.  
  
Ross: Do you want this to happen.  
  
Rachel: Yes.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are still sitting at the table. Joey is asleep.  
  
Phoebe: Monica... Rachel. Monica. Rachel. Monica.  
  
Setting: Chandler's cubicle at work. Chandler has his head on his desk on he's almost crying.  
  
Chandler: (Thinking.) I'm going to lose her. My true love. All because of Joey. Maybe if I kill Joey things might change. Mah. What would that do. I just love her so much. Why did I tell Joey. He can't keep any secrets. Well except for the one about me having a third nipple.  
  
A women comes over.  
  
Women: Hello Chandler.  
  
Chandler looks up and its Riley.  
  
Chandler: Get away from me.  
  
Riley: I'm not giving you up.  
  
Riley leans down and kisses Chandler. Monica comes over to the cubicle.  
  
Monica: (Crying Rapidly.) Oh I hate you Chandler Bing. Why don't you ask her to marry you know.  
  
Chandler pushes Riley off.  
  
Monica: (Still Crying.) I suppose your going to use the excuse she kissed you first. Your a asshole. I can't believe you would do this to me. I'm gone. You can have the apartment.  
  
Monica runs out of the building.  
  
Chandler: Riley. I tell you. If I was a mass murderer I would kill you right now.  
  
Chandler starts running out.  
  
Setting: Rachel and Ross's apartment. Chandler enters.  
  
Chandler: Its all over. She's gone.  
  
Ross: Huh.  
  
Chandler: Well Monica got mad at me for the thing Joey said. So I went to work to let her come down. When I was at work Riley came over and kissed me and Monica entered. She's nowhere. She's probabaly in some other country by now. I hate Riley.  
  
Rachel: Oh my god. Your heart must be broken.  
  
Chandler: No shit Sherlock. Where could she be.  
  
Ross: Look in the secret closet.  
  
Rachel and Chandler: What.  
  
Ross: You know the door in your apartment next to the bathroom.  
  
Chandler: Yeah. I dout Mon cxould fit in there though.  
  
Ross: No. She keeps her diary in there. She writes everything in that.   
  
Chandler: Alright fine.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Phoebe and Joey are still at the table. Phoebe is singing.  
  
Phoebe: (Singing.) I must decide. I must decide. Monica or Rachel. I must decide.  
  
Joey: Oh my god. Lets just do Rock paper scissors. I'm for Rachel. Your for Mon.  
  
Phoebe: Okay.  
  
They do Rock paper scissors. Phoebe wins.  
  
Joey: So its decided. Monica is the maid of Honour.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler enters and goes over to the secret closet. He opens it up and see's the diary. He picks it up and Reads it.  
  
Monica voice for the diary: Dear Diary, How could Chandler do this to me. I was going to forgive him but he went and kissed Riley at work. That does it. I'm gone. This is my last entry. I'm gone to Florida and I'll find true love there. Oh but I loved Chandler so much. If I know Ross. Chandler ius probabaly reading this now. So Chandler. Goodbye. You had your chance. Don't come to Florida. It would hurt me too much. If you really love me you'd just leave me alone. Now for my final Goodbye. Ps. I hope you and Riley have a good marrige.  
  
Chandler goes over to the couch. Sits down and starts crying very loudly.   
  
Chandler: I've got to go to Florida.  
  
Chandler gets up and calls Ross.  
  
Ross: Hello.  
  
Chandler: I'm going to Florida.  
  
Ross: Is that where she is.  
  
Chandler: Yes. I don't know how long I'll be gone. But I will find her.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Theme Song:  
  
So no one told you life was gonna be this way. (4 claps.)  
Your Job's a joke and your lovelife's D.O.A.  
Its like your always stuck in secong gear.  
When it hasn't been your day, week , month or even your year.  
I'll be there for you when the rain starts to fall.  
I'll be there for you like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you cause your there for me too.  
  
End.  
  
So Monica is Florida. Will Chandler find her. 


	21. The one where its all not true

Friends  
The one where its all not true  
  
Setting: Central Perk everyone is there. Chandler is sleeping.  
  
Chandler: (Sleep talking.) No Monica. I will find you. I will.  
  
Monica: Well he's not going to have to look long.  
  
Ross: How did he fall asleep in a public place.  
  
Joey: I don't know. I can't do it.  
  
Phoebe: I can Fall asleep. Watch.  
  
Phoebe falls asleep.  
  
Chandler: (Sleeping.) Monica. No its all a mistake.  
  
Monica: I'm waking him up.  
  
Monica shakes Chandler. Chandler wakes.  
  
Chandler: Monica I've found you.  
  
Monica: What are you talking about. I think you just had a nightmare.  
  
Chandler: Wow. It seemed so real.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting: Continued From before.  
  
Phoebe: So what did you dream about.   
  
Chandler: I dreamt that back when me and Riley were together. I was going to ask her to marry me. Which isn't true. Then me and Monica slept together that night which was true. But then Joey told Monica about the Marry thing and Monica got mad at me. So i went to work to let her calm down. When I was at work Riley kissed me. Monica saw it and moved to Florida.   
  
Ross: Wow. Anything else.  
  
Chandler: Oh Yeah. Phoebe couldn't decide who to have as the maid of Honour.  
  
Phoebe: Come to think of it. I never decided yet.  
  
Chandler: And Rachel was pregnaut.  
  
Rachel: Yeah. Like thats going to happen anytime soon.  
  
Joey: Is that it.  
  
Chandler: I think so. I'm glad that was just a dream.  
  
Monica: Why would I move to Florida. Why not China or Canada.  
  
Chandler: I don't know. That was such a horrible nightmare. I hope I never fall asleep again.  
  
Ross: Yeah. That will help. Don't worry about getting tired. Go to work looking like a posessed Bitch.  
  
Phoebe: Okay. Now I'm confused. I thought Chandler was the funny one.  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.  
  
Joey: So who is your maid of honour going to be.  
  
Phoebe: Monica, No wait Rachel. No how about Monica.  
  
Joey: This is going to be a long day. I wonder in Chandler's dream did I fall asleep.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Joey are there.  
  
Monica: (Depressed.) I have no job.  
  
Chandler: (Depressed.) Monica has no job.  
  
Phoebe: (Depressed.) My best friend has no job.  
  
Joey: (Exicited.) I'm stinking rich.  
  
Monica: Where did that come from. Were all depressed cause I have no job.  
  
Joey: Well. I'm happy. I'm rich. Here. Have this.  
  
Joey passes Monica a check. Monica looks at it.  
  
Monica: 1000 dollars. Are you crazy Joey.  
  
Joey: No I just need a assistence.  
  
Monica: You want me to be your assistance.  
  
Joey: Yes. It pays 1000 dollars a week.  
  
Chandler: You'll go broke.  
  
Phoebe: Hey what about me. Were engauged and I have no job.  
  
Joey: Pheebs. I'm not going to make you work for me. You can have as much as you want. Your going to be my wife soon.  
  
Phoebe: Well in that case. (Grabs Money out of Joey's pocket.) I'm going to buy new shoes.  
  
Phoebe leaves.  
  
Chandler: I thought you were going to go broke paying Monica. You don't have to worry about her. You future wife is going to have you in the whole.  
  
Monica: Hey wait. I haven't even agreed to this job yet.  
  
Joey: So what will it be. Yes or no.  
  
Monica: Fine I'll take it. But I'm not buying you a 4th of July present.  
  
Joey: Fine. I'll just stop the subscipition of a magazine I was giving you July 4th.  
  
Monica: Which one.  
  
Joey: Household keeping Digest.  
  
Monica: Your definatly getting a good present from me.  
  
Chandler: ( Under his breath. ) Clean Freak.  
  
Monica: What was that?  
  
Chandler: I said I love you honey.  
  
Monica: No you didn't.  
  
Chandler: Yes I did.  
  
Monica: You know I don't like being lied to.  
  
Chandler: Okay I called you a clean freak.  
  
Monica: Well. Your sleeping on the couch tonight.  
  
Joey: Man. You suck. You've slept on the couch like 50 times since in moved in.  
  
Chandler: Thats exgeratting. It was only 47.  
  
Setting: Rachel and Ross's apartment. Rachel is in the bedroom. Ross is on the couch reading a magazine. There's a knock on the door. Ross gets up and answers it. Its Carol.  
  
Ross: Come in.  
  
Carol: Okay.  
  
Carol sits on the couch and Ross sits in the chair.  
  
Ross: So why are you here.  
  
Carol: I'm not sure I'm an elizbeien.  
  
Ross: Well ..... Ah .... Well.  
  
Rachel enters.  
  
Rachel: Whats going on.  
  
Ross: Well .... Carol doesn't know if ... if .....  
  
Rachel: If what.  
  
Carol: If I'm an elizbeien.  
  
Rachel: Why don't you think you are.  
  
Ross: Yeah..... Carol ..... Why.  
  
Carol: Well its great with Susan and all. But I'm worried about the baby growing up. It'll get mad fun of because of me.  
  
Ross: Oh thats why. Well ..... I don't know what to say. Ah Rach. Help me out here.  
  
Rachel: Well. Carol. If your afraid the baby is going to be made fun of you should talk to Susan. Anyway kids are just mean and look for anything to make fun of.  
  
Ross: Yeah. Its true. When I was a kid , other kids use to make fun of me all the time.  
  
Rachel: Well thats because you were a geek.  
  
Ross: I was not.  
  
Carol: Thanks Rachel for your help. I gues I'll teach the baby alot of Comebacks. The baby is due anytime now.  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Joey is sitting in his Recliner he just bought. Monica comes in with a bunch of Comics.  
  
Monica: I got all the Archie comics that were out this month. This Job is so easy.  
  
Joey: Yeah. I'm not going to make you my slave or nothing. By the way. The Time of the dat's Season Finale comes on in a few days.  
  
Monica: Okay. Thats nice.  
  
Phoebe enters with a shoebox in her hands.  
  
Phoebe: I got my new shoes.  
  
Monica: By the way. Who did you chose for your maid of honour.  
  
Phoebe: Oh I haven't decided yet.  
  
Joey: You still haven't decided. The weddin is in two weeks.  
  
Phoebe: So. I'll chose soon.  
  
Monica: You better. By the way. Nice hair.  
  
Phoebe: Thanks but I know. And don't try to get in good with me for maid of honour.   
  
Setting: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is there. Rachel is dialing Phoebe's number.  
  
Phoebe: Hello.  
  
Rachel: Hi. How are you. Have you chosen your maid of honour yet.  
  
Phoebe: No. Why.  
  
Rachel: Oh. No reason. You know you have a wonderful voice. I love if you could sing for me.  
  
Phoebe: I don't feel like singing now.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Phoebe is sitting in the Recliner Joey bought for her. Monica enters.  
  
Monica: So Pheebs. Do you want me to get you anything.  
  
Phoebe: No thanks.  
  
Rachel enters with a wrapped up present in her hands.  
  
Rachel: Here Pheebs. A present for just being a good friend.  
  
Phoebe: Oh how nice.  
  
Phoebe opens it.  
  
Phoebe: A new Gameboy with games. Hey its The Time of the day game .  
  
Rachel: I thought you'd like it.  
  
Monica: So what Phoebe. Ah ..... You can have my Apartment.  
  
Rachel: Well if your going to give her that. Then you can be the maid of Honour.  
  
Phoebe: You mean this is all over who's the maid of Honour.  
  
Rachel and Monica: Yes.  
  
Phoebe: I'll have your apatment Mon. But for the maid of honour just do rock paper Scissors.  
  
Rachel and Monica: Alright.  
  
They do Rock Paper Scissors and Rachel wins.  
  
Rachel: Yes I'm the maid of honour.  
  
Monica: And I just gave up my apartment for nothing.  
  
Joey enters.  
  
Phoebe: Guess what Joey.  
  
Joey: What.  
  
Phoebe: Monica just gave us her apartment.  
  
Joey: Really. Yes.  
  
Chandler enters.  
  
Joey: Guess what.  
  
Chandler: What.  
  
Joey: Monica just gave me and Phoebe your apartment.  
  
Chandler: (Looking at Monica.) You did what.  
  
Monica: I kinda gave them the apartment.  
  
Chandler: Are you on drugs. I can't believe I got to move back to this stupid apartment.  
  
Joey: Well believe baby.  
  
Phoebe: Yes. I'll have a bigger bedroom. And we get the cool balcony and everything.  
  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's new apartment. The Entertainment system is place by the wall by the two bed rooms. The two Recliners are facing the T.V. The couch is facing towards the window. The air hockey table is in the kitchen. Phoebe and Joey are sitting in there recliners.  
  
Phoebe: I can't believe I'm living here again.  
  
Joey: Again. What do you mean again.  
  
Phoebe: Oh when Monica first got this apartment I was her roomate.  
  
Joey: Cool. I love this place.  
  
Setting: Chandler and Monica's new apartment. Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch.  
  
Chandler: I can't believe you gave up our apartment just to be the maid of honour.  
  
Monica: I know.  
  
Chandler: And you didn't even get to be the maid of honour.  
  
The phone rings. Monica answers it.  
  
Monica: Hello.  
  
Ross: Carol just went into labour. See you at the hospital.  
  
End. 


	22. The one with another Friend

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.  
The one with another Friend  
  
Intoduction: If you review tell me if you think the title should be F.R.I.E.N.D.S. or just Friends. Just something I would like to change.  
  
Setting: The hospital. Ross and Rachel are there.  
  
Ross: Where is everyone. Carol isn't even here yet.  
  
Chandler and Monica walk in.  
  
Ross: Where have you been. Its been an hour and twenty minutes since I called you.  
  
Chandler: What about the time difference.  
  
Ross: From here to the airport.  
  
Chandler: Strange isn't it.  
  
Rachel: So you guys did it.  
  
Monica: You have no proof.  
  
Ross: Oh my god. I can't believe you guys. You had sex right before you came here.  
  
Chandler: But whats important here is we used Protection.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting: Continued from before. But Monica and Chandler are now sitting.  
  
Monica: So where's Carol.  
  
Ross: I don't know she should be here soon.  
  
Chandler: And you blamed us for being late. The elizbien isn't even here yet.  
  
Ross: Are you trying to make me cry.  
  
Rachel: Chandler. Back off.  
  
Chandler: What.  
  
Rachel: You were just about to say something sarcastic.  
  
Chandler: What proof do you have of that.  
  
Rachel: Your Verbal record. Or how about the time you and Joey had a bet that you couldn't say anything sarcastic for a week. You didn't even last three days.  
  
Chandler: So it was only a stupid bet.  
  
Monica: A stupid bet that you lost.  
  
Chandler: Oh shut up.  
  
Phoebe and Joey enter.  
  
Phoebe: Has the baby been born yet.  
  
Ross: No Carol isn't even here yet.  
  
Monica: Where were you.  
  
Joey: Oh we just keeped on looking at our wonderful new apartment.  
  
Chandler: Rub it in why don't ya.  
  
Joey: I am rubbing it in.  
  
Ross: When is Carol going to get here.  
  
Phoebe: Chill Ross. Chill. You aura is getting very dirty.  
  
Carol and Susan enter.   
  
Ross: What took you guys so long.  
  
Susan: The cab driver kept asking us for a threesome.  
  
Chandler: That guy is crazy.  
  
Carol: No it was a women.  
  
Rachel and Ross follow Carol and Susan into the labour room.  
  
Phoebe: I'm Hungry.  
  
Joey: So am I. Lets go to the hospital Cafataria.  
  
Joey and Phoebe walk of. A Doctor with two baby comes out of the delivery room.  
  
Monica: Its no fair. I don't get a baby.  
  
Chandler: You can have a baby if you want to have a baby.  
  
Monica: You mean you'll do it.  
  
Chandler: Sure. I've always dreamed of Chandler Jr.  
  
Monica: Its not going to be Chandler Jr.  
  
Chandler: I know.  
  
Setting: Cafataria. Phoebe and Joey are in a long line up.  
  
Joey: I'm starving.  
  
Phoebe: I am too.  
  
Joey: I mean. I bet all these people aren't even here for themselves. I'd say there here for there the sick people.  
  
Phoebe: Yeah Really. I wonder of they have Lasnaga.  
  
Joey: Its a Hospital cafataria.  
  
Phoebe: Thats why I said. " I wonder. "  
  
Joey: Oh.  
  
A teenage Girl comes running up to Joey.   
  
Girl: Oh my god its Joey Tribbiani.  
  
Joey: And oh my god. Its a screaming girl.  
  
Girl: Oh my god. I thought it was just the writers that made you funny. Your just naturally funny. Your so hot.  
  
Phoebe: Back off.  
  
Girl: Who the hell are you.  
  
Phoebe: You worst nightmare.  
  
The Girl runs off.  
  
Joey: Calm down Pheebs.  
  
Phoebe: Oh so you like her.  
  
Joey: She's like 12.  
  
Phoebe: Oh so if she was a bit older you would like her.  
  
Joey: No. Pheebs . You know your the only girl for me.  
  
Phoebe: Thanks. I actually didn't know that.  
  
Setting: In the labour room. A doctor , Rachel , Ross , Carol and Susan are there.  
  
Doctor: Your at 3 centimetres.  
  
Carol: Oh wait I'm having a contraction. That doesn't really hurrrrttttt. Owwwwww.  
  
Carol looks down.  
  
Carol: Oh. I thought that was it.  
  
Rachel: We all wish that.  
  
Ross: Carol. Have you decided on a name for the baby.  
  
Carol: No we haven't.  
  
Susan: I think it should be Ken Willack - Bunch.  
  
Ross: What about me. I'm in there too.  
  
Susan: No. Your just Bobo the sperm guy.  
  
Ross: Is that all you think of me as.  
  
Susan: Yeah. Whats wrong with that.  
  
Ross: I outta.  
  
Rachel: Come down honey. I don't think of you as Bobo the sperm guy.  
  
Susan: THats only because Ross brain washed you.  
  
Carol: ( Yelling.) Thats it. Out Susan and Ross.  
  
Ross: You giving us a time out.  
  
Carol: Yes.  
  
Ross: Just checking.  
  
Ross and Susan leave. Rachel sits next to Carol on the bed.  
  
Carol: When will they ever get along.  
  
Rachel: I'm guessing the next time Hitler tries to take over the world.  
  
Carol: Why can't they just get along. I mean. They both hate each other so much.  
  
Rachel: Carol. Here's a word of advice. Separate them.  
  
Carol: Thats two words.  
  
Setting: In a hallway. Monica and Chandler are standing up.  
  
Chandler: So. Where are we going to do it.  
  
Monica: (Pointing to a Janitor closet.) In there.  
  
Chandler: I'm not doing it .... In well a closet.  
  
Monica: Fine. So we go home and do it and miss the birth of my nephew.   
  
Chandler: Fine. I'll do it in there  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe just finish lunch and walk past the Janitor closet and stop.  
  
Phoebe: I think I can hear someone doing it.  
  
Joey: In a hospital. What kind of Psycho would do that.  
  
Phoebe: I think the sound is coming from the closet over there.  
  
Joey: I hate this. Its like a horror movie. We'll open the door and some kind of sick bastard and a bitch will pop out.  
  
Phoebe: That suspence is killing me. I'm opening that door.  
  
Phoebe goes to open the door.  
  
Joey: ( In slow motion. ) NNNNoooooooooooooo.  
  
Phoebe opens it up. Joey and Phoebe see Chandler and Monica.  
  
Phoebe: Well there's your bitch and bastard.  
  
Setting: Another hallway. Ross and Susan are there.  
  
Susan: We have to decide on something.  
  
Ross: At least put Gellar in the name and I'll be sasticfied.  
  
Susan: Find Something Gellar - Willick - Bunch.  
  
Ross: But what will that something be.  
  
Susan: Gerard.  
  
Ross: Sounds like a old bald man.  
  
Susan: Jimmy.  
  
Ross: Sounds like a bodyguard.  
  
Susan: How about James.  
  
Ross: I don't want my son growing up becoming a Butler.  
  
Susan: You so fussy.  
  
All of a sudden three strechers come zooming down the hall.  
  
Ross: Ahhhhhhhhhhh .  
  
A old Janitor comes and pushes them out of the way. The strechers hit him and he falls to the ground and hits his. He is dead.  
  
Ross: Is he dead.  
  
Susan: I'm not sure. Whats his name.  
  
She looks at his name tag.  
  
Susan: Ben. What a nice name.  
  
Ross: I think this is gods way of telling us what to call the baby.  
  
Susan: Yeah.  
  
Setting: In the hallway next to the Janitor closet. Monica and Chandler are dressed again. Phoebe and Joey are still flabergasted.  
  
Monica: You had no buisness looking at us.  
  
Joey: You had no buisness doing it in a Janitors closet.  
  
Phoebe: Yeah. Whats wrong with you. You couldn't wait. At least for our safety you could have the locked the friken door.  
  
Chandler: Sorry . Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe: You better be. Joey thought you two were a murderous bitch and bastard.  
  
Joey: I still think they are.   
  
Joey crosses his arms.  
  
Joey: Still. What were you two thinking. No one's ever going to open it?  
  
Chandler: We weren't thinking.  
  
Monica: All I wanted two do is have a baby.  
  
Joey: you mean in there you two were trying to make a baby.  
  
Phoebe: How cute.  
  
Monica: well. I gues we can't know. Thanks to you two.  
  
Setting: The labour room. Rachel and Carol and a doctor are there. Susan and Ross still enter.  
  
Carol: Have you guys made up yet.  
  
Susan: kinda.  
  
Ross: We came up with a name for the baby.  
  
Carol: You two actually agreed on something.  
  
Ross: Yeah. We think it should be Ben Gellar - Willick - Bunch.  
  
Carol: Ben. What a nice name.  
  
Doctor: Its time. Your at 10 cm.  
  
Carol: Okay.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: The baby was born. Its in the nursery and Rachel , Ross , Monica , Phoebe and Joey are staring at the baby sleep.  
  
Monica: Oh its so cute.  
  
Chandler: It has a name.  
  
Ross: Yeah Monica.  
  
Monica: I know.  
  
Phoebe: I want one of those.  
  
Monica: So do I Pheebs. So do I.  
  
Joey: Man. I'm not ready for a child yet.  
  
Phoebe kisses Joey.  
  
Phoebe: Are you ready now.  
  
Joey: Joey the third here I come.  
  
End. 


	23. The one with the FAQ

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.  
The one with the FAQ  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Friends. Just these stories.   
  
Intorduction: This is an episode showing how all the Friends gang met. Things may not be the same as the show. This is much like the one with the flashback.  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is there.  
  
Monica: Remember when we all met.  
  
Chandler: Well. We actually met at different times. Joey was the last one we met.  
  
Joey: I was. Wasn't I.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
10 years ago. Gellar House. Ross comes running down the stairs.  
  
Ross: Come on mom. Seniors don't take packed lunches to school. They bring money and buy it.  
  
A fat Monica comes running down the stairs.  
  
Monica: No. The cool seniors do that. Your a loser.  
  
Ross: Yeah. Well .... Your Fat.  
  
Monica: So. Your a geek.  
  
Judy: Now. Now. Ross make sure you show your sister the way to school. Remember its her first year.  
  
Ross: Why don't she just roll there.  
  
Monica: I can't believe I'm only going to be a Freshman and I'm going to be cooler than my brother.  
  
Ross: No. All your going to be is fatter than me.  
  
The exit out the house.  
  
Ross: What are you a baby. You actually need me to walk you to school.  
  
Monica: Its my first year of High school. I don't know where it is.  
  
Ross: Man. And you wonder Why you get made fun of.  
  
Monica: So why do you get made fun of.  
  
Ross: Because I love anything to do with dinosaurs.  
  
Setting: Present. Where we were at Central Perk.  
  
Chandler: I thought we were telling stories about how all of us met. Not a Gellar Dimension Story.  
  
Ross: Let us finish.  
  
Monica: Yeah. Stop interupting.  
  
Setting: Back to the story.  
  
Monica: What are you going to be when you grow up. Dr. Dinosaur.  
  
Ross: No. Its called a palentologists.  
  
Monica: Too many big words.  
  
Monica and Ross enter the school. Ross spots this girl and he immeditly just like falls in love with her. The Girl comes running up to them.  
  
Rachel: Hi. I doon't know where to go. Can you show me where the science lab is.  
  
Ross: ............  
  
Monica: I'm new here too. My name is Monica Gellar.  
  
Rachel: Hi. I'm Rachel Greene.  
  
Monica: I think the science lab is over there. I have that first.  
  
Monica and Rachel walk of.  
  
Ross: ...............  
  
Setting: Central Perk.   
  
Joey: So thats how you guys met Rachel.  
  
Chandler: Ross. What a loser ........ I at least coulfd talk to girls.  
  
Ross: Oh yeah. Maybe I should tell the story were I met you.  
  
Rachel: This should be fun.  
  
Setting: 9 years ago. Ross is getting on a bus who will take him to his university. He has to sit next to this nerdy looky kid with Glasses. (Chandler.)  
  
Ross: Hi.  
  
Chandler: Oh yeah. Whats 56 + 45 - 7 + 21 = Huh.  
  
Ross: Jesus. All I said was Hi. But the answer to your Question is 115.  
  
Chandler: So your smart. Bite me.  
  
All of a sudden a Archie magazine hits Chandler in the face he falls to the ground and hits his head. He gets back up.  
  
Chandler: I'm just joking. I'm not a $#@!ing nerd.  
  
Throws his glasses out the window.  
  
Ross: You know you shouldn't swear.  
  
Chandler: Swearing is cool and you know it. Hi I'm Chandler Bing if you were wondering.  
  
Ross: I'm Ross Gellar.  
  
Chandler looks down at him and then looks up at him.  
  
Chandler: Are you Big Fat Goalies Brother.  
  
Ross: Afraid so.  
  
A girl walks up to the. Chandler is looking at her and thinks she's so beautiful.  
  
Girl: Can I sit with you.  
  
Chandler: ..................  
  
Ross: Sure.  
  
Girl: Thanks. I'm Carol Willick.  
  
Ross: Ross Gellar.  
  
Carol and him shake hands  
  
Setting: Central Perk.  
  
Chandler: I couldn't speak then cause she was a elizbien.  
  
Ross: You didn't know that.  
  
Monica: He got you there.  
  
Phoebe: I guess the next story is how you meet me.  
  
Ross: Yeah it is.  
  
Setting: 3 years ago. Monica's apartment. Chandler , Ross , Monica and Kip are there.  
  
Monica: I need a roomate.  
  
Kip: So. Its either I need a roomate or I need a boyfriend.  
  
Monica: You know I don't like you.  
  
Kip: Whats your point. Anyway. I can get you a roomate.  
  
Monica: How.  
  
Kip: This ex-girlfriend of mine. I just broke up with her and she needs a place. Her name is Phoebe Buffay.  
  
Chandler: You know I think I got massaged once by a Phoebe Buffay.  
  
Monica: Is she nice.  
  
Kip: Pretty nice. I can give her a call if you like.  
  
Ross: But you just said she had no place.  
  
Kip: I know.  
  
Kip goes out to the balcony and yells to the alley below.  
  
Kip: Yo Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe: What you jackass.  
  
Kip: I think I found you a place.  
  
Phoebe: I'll be right up  
  
Phoebe comes into the apartment.  
  
Monica: Are you Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe: Yes. Are you the one who needs a roomate.  
  
Monica: Yes.  
  
Phoebe: Oh my god. The air is so dirty in here. Its coming from Kip and his friend.  
  
Chandler: Oh great. Now I'm dirty.  
  
Phoebe: I also sense a marrige coming soon and a divorce coming soon.  
  
Setting: Central Perk.  
  
Phoebe: I was right with those predictions.  
  
Monica: yes you were.  
  
Chandler: Come on. Lets talk about how we met Joey.  
  
Joey: Fine.  
  
Setting: 2 years ago. Monica's apartmet. Ross , Chandler , Monica and Phoebe are there.  
  
Ross: I can't belive Carol's a elizbien.  
  
Chandler: And you had no clue.  
  
Ross: No.  
  
Phoebe: Wow.   
  
Chandler: I just can't believe Kip got married and moved out. I now need a roomate.  
  
Phoebe: So does Monica.  
  
Monica: Huh.  
  
Phoebe: Oh I haven't told you yet. I moved out.  
  
Monica: And you didn't tell me.  
  
Phoebe: Well. I need a place where people can spill.  
  
Chandler: Hey. Can we get back to my problem. I need a roomate.  
  
Phoebe: I know this actor that you could ask.  
  
Chandler: Now why would an actor want to move in with me.  
  
Phoebe: Cause he has no acting Job right now.  
  
Chandler: Whats his name.  
  
Phoebe: Joey Tribbiani.  
  
Chandler: Oh I think I saw him in the We once Pinochio.  
  
Phoebe: At least he was in a play. I can give him a call if you like.  
  
Chandler: Dial on up.  
  
Phoebe picks up the phone.  
  
Monica: Hey. Maybe I don't want you using my phone you mover outer.  
  
Phoebe: And yet I'm using it anyway.  
  
Phoebe dials the number.  
  
Joey: Hello.  
  
Phoebe: Hey. Joey. You need a apartment still.  
  
Joey: What can I move in with you.  
  
Phoebe: No. My friend Chandler needs a roomate.  
  
Joey: Sure. I'll move in with him.  
  
Phoebe hangs up the phone.  
  
Phoebe: Problem solved.  
  
Chandler: Thanks.  
  
Ross: Pheebs. There's a word noadays. Its called Goodbye.  
  
Phoebe: I don't like that word though.  
  
Setting: Central Perk.  
  
Chandler: And then Joey moved in with me.  
  
Joey: Yah.  
  
( Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: 9 months ago. Central Perk. Everyone is there. Rachel runs into Central Perk wearing a wedding Dress.  
  
Chandler: and I just won a Million Dolars.  
  
End.  
  
Next: The one at Phoebe and Joey's wedding. 


	24. The one at Phoebe and Joey's wedding

F.R.I.E.N.D.S  
The one at Phoebe and Joey's wedding  
  
Introduction: Okay. Here we go. Okay also for those of you who said I needed to make my stories longer you may have noticed that the past few ones have been bigger. Thanks for all your help. Also I don't have Microsoft word. My computer is so crappy it can't fit it. I have to write these stories on Notepad so I don't have spell check. I would also love for someone to check over my work but my printers broken. Don't worry soon enough all this will be fixed. And also sorry for forgetting the disclaimer in past stories. I'll try to remember them from now on. Now on with the wedding.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Friends just these stories. They do not profit me in anyway. There just for pure entertainment. Friends belong to the brilliant minds of Marta Kaufman and David Crane.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Everyone is there. They are all in the living room.  
  
Phoebe: I can't believe I'm getting married in two days.  
  
Ross: Who ever thought Phoebe and Joey would get together.  
  
Monica: I did.  
  
Chandler: I didn't. I thought she was going to end up with Kip.  
  
Phoebe: Why would I marry a jackass like him?  
  
Joey: You like Kip better than me.  
  
Chandler: Mon. help me out here.  
  
Monica: You got yourself in this mess. You get yourself out.  
  
Joey: And I let you us my air hockey table. Why are even with Monica. Why don't you go marry Kip?  
  
Chandler: I just said a statement. When Phoebe and Kip went out. They were pretty hot.  
  
Joey: What is this true Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe: Not as hot as it is with you.  
  
Ross: See. She can get herself out of trouble.  
  
Chandler: What I can get myself out of trouble.  
  
Everyone: Sure.  
  
( Opening Theme. )  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe, Monica and Rachel are there in the living room.  
  
Phoebe: I can't wait tell Saturday.  
  
Rachel: I know. One of us is finally getting married.  
  
Monica: To Joey. Who ever saw that coming?  
  
Rachel: You did. You said that yourself.  
  
Monica: But I never thought they would get married.  
  
Phoebe: He is the best man in the world. I love him dearly.  
  
Rachel: Dearly? That's a word I've never heard you use.  
  
Phoebe: I can still remember when he proposed to me on the stage at the Golden Globes.  
  
Monica: So can the whole world.  
  
Rachel: I thought it was sweet and romantic. The best Ross could probably do is asking me at a dinosaur meeting.  
  
Monica: Yeah. An emergency meeting. There still dead!  
  
Phoebe: Well at least Ross has a job.  
  
Monica: I have a job. I work for Joey remember.  
  
Phoebe: Oh Yeah. He fired you.  
  
Monica: Well if he didn't tell me then I'm not fired.  
  
Phoebe: No. Your Fired.  
  
Monica: Great. My best Friend is getting married and I just found out I'm jobless.  
  
Rachel: You can work foe me.  
  
Monica: How much pay.  
  
Rachel: 20 dollars a week.  
  
Monica: No.  
  
Rachel: Well then you'll just have to stay jobless.  
  
Monica: You know what I really want.  
  
Phoebe: A baby.  
  
Monica: Yeah. How did you know?  
  
Phoebe: Remember the Janitor's Closet.  
  
Monica: Don't remind me.  
  
Rachel: I've never heard this story before.  
  
Phoebe: Well....  
  
Monica: No. Don't tell her.  
  
Phoebe: Chandler and her were doing it in a Janitor's closet when Carol was giving birth.  
  
Rachel: What!  
  
Setting: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler, Joey and Ross are sitting on the couch eating pizza. Ben is sleeping in-between them.  
  
Joey: I can't believe I'm getting married in 2 days.  
  
Chandler: I can't believe your getting married at all.  
  
Ross: It's just amazing. Joey your getting married.  
  
Chandler: I still thought she and Kip would get together.  
  
Joey: If you say that once more I'm going to kick your ass from here to china.  
  
Chandler: Come down. When I first new Phoebe all she was was a mad drunken Kip crazy bitch.  
  
Joey: What. What are you talking about?  
  
Ross: Yeah what are you talking about?  
  
Chandler: Don't tell Phoebe I told you any of this. But when Kip and her started going out she was an alcoholic that loved Kip a lot. When they broke up it wasn't Phoebe that broke up with Kip, Kip broke up with Phoebe. Phoebe was then homeless and lost all the money to buy beer so she started to become sober. Then when Monica needed a roommate Kip suggested Phoebe but I was actually going to tell Monica not to take her as a roommate but Kip told me not to.  
  
Joey: I don't believe a word of it.!!1! Are you trying to sabatough my wedding? I thought you were my best Friend. Fafanopili.  
  
Joey runs out of the apartment.  
  
Ross: If Joey doesn't kill you Phoebe will.  
  
Chandler: I just thought he should know what Phoebe use to be like.  
  
Ross: I think he was better off not knowing.  
  
Chandler: I better go find him. But all the time there's ever drama in our lives it always turns out to be a dream.  
  
Ross: Huh.  
  
Chandler: Remember the dream I had about Monica moving to Florida.  
  
Ross: Oh.  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. The girls are still in the living room. Chandler enters.  
  
Chandler: Have any of you guys seen Joey.  
  
Monica: No why.  
  
Chandler: He ran off.  
  
Phoebe: He WHAT!  
  
Chandler: He ran off.  
  
Rachel: Why?  
  
Chandler: Is that any of your business.  
  
Rachel: Have a cow. I only asked.  
  
Chandler: Well don't.  
  
Phoebe: Well I think it's my business why he ran off.  
  
Chandler: I don't.  
  
Phoebe gets and glares Chandler in the face.  
  
Chandler: Okay I told him he looked fat.  
  
Phoebe: Your lying. Why won't you tell me the truth?  
  
Chandler: Because the truth hurts.  
  
Phoebe: What are you talking about?  
  
Chandler: I told him about the time when you were an alcoholic and only quit because you had no money. I also told him you didn't break up with Kip he broke up with you.   
  
Phoebe pushes Chandler out of the way, Grabs her coat and opens the door.  
  
Phoebe: I trusted you.  
  
Phoebe leaves.  
  
Chandler: 2 for two. Any one else I can get made at me.  
  
Setting: Kip's apartment. Joey knocks. Kip answers.  
  
Kip: Whatever it is we don't want any.  
  
Joey: No. I'm Joey Tribbiani.  
  
Kip: So.  
  
Joey: My friend Chandler ...  
  
Kip: Chandler Bing?  
  
Joey: Yes. Anyway. In two days I'm suppose to be marrying the most beautiful girl in the world.  
  
Kip: Yasmine Bleeth?  
  
Joey: NO! Phoebe Buffay.  
  
Kip: Are you all right. You're marrying an alcoholic bitch.  
  
Joey: Oh my god Chandler was telling the truth. See you and thanks for your help.  
  
Joey runs off.  
  
Kip: Your welcome for whatever I did.  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Joey enters and goes to the Counter. Gunther is there.  
  
Joey: Espresso please.  
  
Gunther: Are you sure. The last time you had espresso you fainted on the floor.  
  
Joey: I'm sure.  
  
Gunther: Okay.  
  
Gunther passes Joey an espresso. Joey drinks it and faints and falls to the ground. Phoebe enters and runs over to him.  
  
Phoebe: You evil man. You let him drink espresso.  
  
Setting: Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Phoebe and Joey are there.  
  
Joey: So is it true.  
  
Phoebe: Yes it is.  
  
Joey: Do you ever wish you were still with Kip?  
  
Phoebe: No I love you.  
  
Joey: Really.  
  
Phoebe: Yeah.  
  
Joey: This deserves a hug.  
  
Joey and Phoebe hug.  
  
Setting: Outside of the apartment. Everyone is against the door listening.  
  
Monica: I think they made up.  
  
Ross: So we can go in.  
  
Chandler: I think.  
  
Everyone enters. Phoebe and Joey stop hugging.  
  
Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) And you.  
  
Chandler: I'm gonna deserve this.  
  
Joey comes over and hugs Chandler and backs off.  
  
Chandler: That's it.  
  
Joey: What did you expect?  
  
Chandler: For you to kill me.  
  
Rachel: Okay this is all over with. Lets just get ready for the wedding tomorrow.  
  
Phoebe: By Joey.  
  
Joey: Where are you going?  
  
Phoebe: Well its bad for the bride to see the groom before the wedding.  
  
Joey: You actually knew that.  
  
Monica: No she never. I told her.  
  
Joey: So where are you staying?  
  
Rachel: Our place.  
  
Setting: The next day. Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is in a tux, Rachel in a blue dress and Phoebe dressed as the bride.  
  
Phoebe: I'm getting married today.  
  
Ross: Are you ready to go.  
  
Phoebe: Sure I'm ready.  
  
Rachel: Wait Wait.  
  
Rachel runs into the bedroom and comes back out with a notepad.  
  
Ross: What's that for.  
  
Rachel: To record how many times Joey screws up.  
  
Phoebe: Your mean.  
  
Rachel: No I'm precise. I'm gonna win 50 bucks.  
  
Phoebe: How.  
  
Rachel: I have a bet with Chandler. Chandler thinks Joey will only screw up less than 5 times. Like that would ever happen.  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Joey is standing up looking in the mirror at himself wearing a tux. Chandler and Monica enter.  
  
Chandler: You not that good looking.  
  
Joey: And you're not that funny.  
  
Monica: Are you ready to go.  
  
Joey: I don't know.  
  
Monica: What! What ... What is wrong.  
  
Joey: I have a squirrelly feeling.  
  
Monica: Your just nervous. Its natural.  
  
Joey: And what about the throwing up feeling.  
  
Monica: That's natural too.  
  
Chandler: Yeah I went threw the same thing.  
  
Joey: But you were never married.  
  
Chandler: I have a gay Father. Is that enough explanation for you?  
  
Joey: Yeah.  
  
Monica: Now lets go.  
  
Setting: The church. At the back of the church ( I don't know what to call it. Just where the ceremony takes place. ) Joey, Rachel and Ross are there.  
  
Joey: I'm so nervy.  
  
Ross: You mean Nervous.  
  
Joey: I said what I said.  
  
Rachel: Good luck.  
  
Rachel and Ross go to the front of the church. The music starts playing. (To us the music in the background is I'll be there for you.) Chandler and Monica walk down the aisle.  
  
Monica: Oh my god.  
  
Chandler Oh my god what?  
  
Monica: Tuck in your shirt.  
  
Chandler: Oh and I thought you were going to say something important.  
  
Chandler breaks off and stands next to Joey. Monica stands over to the left. Ross and Rachel walk down next.  
  
Ross: This sucks.  
  
Rachel: It sucks that your best friend is getting married?  
  
Ross: Well how come I'm just an usher and not the best man.  
  
Rachel: Well Ross I'm afraid to point this out but they were roommates.  
  
Ross: (Whiny.) It's no fair.  
  
Ross goes next to Chandler and Rachel stands next to Monica. Kip comes down with Phoebe. (I'll be there for you is getting louder.) Kip goes over to Joey and passes Phoebe to him.  
  
Kip: Take good care of her.  
  
Joey: Thanks for giving her up. Her step dad's in prison and her real dad she doesn't even want to see.  
  
Kip: Your welcome.  
  
Kip goes next to Ross. They all turn and face the minister. The music stops.   
  
Minister: We are gathered here today to bring Joey Tribianni and Phoebe Buffay in Holy matromoning. If anybody objects please say I.  
  
Joey: I.  
  
Minister: You object.  
  
Joey: Oh I thought you said do you want a bar.  
  
Rachel pulls her notepad out. Monica grabs it and throws into the audience.  
  
Monica: (Whispering to Rachel.) You and Chandler are dead.  
  
Minister: So no one objects. Okay lets begin. Phoebe repeats after me. I Phoebe will take Joey forever during Sickness and Love, Poorer or richer, Tell death parts us.  
  
Phoebe repeats it.  
  
Minister: Okay Joey. Clean your ears out.  
  
Joey sticks a finger in both ears.  
  
Joey: Clean.  
  
Minister: Okay repeat after me. I Joey take thee Phoebe (And so on.)  
  
Joey repeats.  
  
Minister: You may kiss the bride.  
  
Joey kisses Phoebe.  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Three long tables are set up taking the space of the dining room and the living room. The wedding crew are there. At one table is the friends gang eating.  
  
Phoebe: Mon I'm glad I hired you as a chef.  
  
Monica: Yeah. By the way. I don't take checks.  
  
Joey: Why not.  
  
Monica: I'm unemployed I need straight money.  
  
Ross: She's got a point.  
  
Rachel: So are you guys leaving tonight or tomorrow for Florida.  
  
Joey: Tomorrow.  
  
Monica: Come here a sec Chandler.  
  
Monica goes outside the apartment. Chandler follows.  
  
Monica: Okay there married. I want a baby.  
  
Chandler: What.  
  
Monica: Meet me at our apartment. Go tell them an excuse.  
  
Chandler: You really want a baby.  
  
Monica: yes and I can't wait.  
  
Chandler: I'll be right there.  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Next day. Everyone is there. Joey and Phoebe got their bags packed.  
  
Joey: We'll be off.  
  
Ross: So Chandler, Mon what did you guys have to do last night.  
  
Monica: Look for a job for me.  
  
Rachel: At 12:30 at night.  
  
Chandler: Best time to find a job.  
  
Monica: Yeah.  
  
Phoebe: Okay bye everyone.  
  
Everyone except Phoebe and Joey: Bye.  
  
Joey: Lets go.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your Job's a joke. Your love life's D.O.A  
It's like your always stuck in second gear.  
When its hasn't been your day, week, your month or even your year.  
I'll be there for you when the rain starts to fall.  
I'll be there for you like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you cause your there for me too. 


	25. The one at the Doctor's office

F.R.I.E.N.D.S  
  
The one at the Doctor's Office  
  
By: Michael.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Friends. Just these stories. They are only meant for entertainment. Friends was created by the brilliant mind of David Crane and Marta Kaufman.  
  
Introduction: This is the start of my second season. The first season was a good one. Not many sad or Dramatic parts. My personal favourite was The one at Phoebe and Joey's wedding. At the beginning of the season the stories were shorter and got longer along the way. These will get longer along the way too. This will have sad parts in this season but don't worry I will always end the seasons happy. Also this season will try to concentrate on ages and birthdays. I'm trying to make these scripts as close to the real friends as I can. By the way. I finally have Microsoft word.  
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is in their usual spots.  
  
Monica: Owww!  
  
Chandler: Are you having one of those cramps again?  
  
Ross: Mon. You've been having cramps.  
  
Monica: Yeah. They're only little cramps though.  
  
Joey: you should get that checked out by a doctor.  
  
Monica: (Glaring at Joey.) No shit Sherlock.  
  
Phoebe: No. Don't say bad words. You don't want to put that out into the universe.  
  
Rachel: So Phoebe how was your honeymoon.  
  
Phoebe: it was great. Florida is awesome. We were at Disneyland all the time. I love Disneyland.  
  
Joey: yeah. And we even met. (Excited.) Mickey mouse.  
  
Phoebe: And don't forget Snow white.  
  
Joey: Yeah and Snow White.  
  
Phoebe: I want to go to Florida again.  
  
Monica: Again. You just spent two weeks there.  
  
Joey: it was the time of our lives down there.  
  
Rachel: Well good for you guys.  
  
Chandler: Anyone happen to catch The time of the day last night.  
  
Joey: Yeah. The season opener of the second season. But for some reason they put it on in July.  
  
Ross: last night was the best one ever.  
  
Monica: Owww!  
  
Joey: Was the show last night that bad?  
  
Monica: No. Another cramp.  
  
(Opening Theme.)  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting down watching TV. Monica comes out of their room, which is Joey's old room.  
  
Monica: ready to go.  
  
Chandler: Explain to me again why I have to go to your doctor's appointment with you.  
  
Monica: Because where in a serious relationship and also because I told you to.  
  
Chandler: But I want to stay home and watch movies.  
  
Monica: It's either the TV or me.  
  
Chandler: Fine I'll go.  
  
Chandler gets up and grabs the coat.  
  
Chandler: Wait. I'll only go if we can get a ice cream on the way back.  
  
Monica: Fine.  
  
Chandler: Good. Now lets go.  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. There is a computer desk against the wall by the bathroom. There is a brand new computer on top. Phoebe is sitting at the desk. Joey comes out of their bedroom, which used to be Monica's and Chandler's.  
  
Joey: I'm off  
  
Phoebe: Wait. Explain to me again why your having Rachel to teach you how to play croquet.  
  
Joey: well it would be nice if one of the things on my résumé was true.  
  
Phoebe: Oh that's why. Well I love you see you and thanks for the computer.  
  
Joey: your welcome. Love you too. Bye.  
  
Joey exits.  
  
Phoebe: (To the computer.) Okay Mr. Computer. Turn on. (Pause.) Turn on. (Pause.) And Joey said you were user Friendly. (Pause.) If you don't work I'm kicken your ass. (Pause.) You more like bully mean. (Pause.) Fine. Be Perky.  
  
Setting: A field. The croquet rings are set up. Joey and Rachel are there. Joey has a mallet in his hand and a ball next to it on the ground.  
  
Joey: So you're saying that the object of the game is to rip the rings out of the ground.  
  
Rachel: Are you as dumb as a stump.  
  
Joey: That's it. I'm outta here.  
  
Rachel: why.  
  
Joey: Your not even trying to teach me. All day you've been calling me stupid and making cracks at me. Here's a crack. FaFanapoli.  
  
Joey walks away.  
  
Rachel: Did he just tell me to F**K off.  
  
Setting: Doctor's office. Chandler and Monica are there. Doctor enters.  
  
Doctor: We've discovered why you've been having cramps.  
  
Chandler gets down on me.  
  
Chandler: Oh god. Take me instead.  
  
Monica: Chandler get up.  
  
Chandler: Fine.  
  
Chandler gets up.  
  
Chandler: So what's up Doc. (Starts laughing and bobbing his head and pointing.)?  
  
Monica hits him in the back of the head.  
  
Chandler: Well actually Honey at first it wasn't suppose to be funny it just came out that way.  
  
Monica: I don't care. (To the doctor.) So what is up doc?  
  
Doctor: Well I hope you'll be excited. I always love giving the good news. You're pregnant.  
  
Chandler: I'm gonna have a child.  
  
Monica: We're going to have a child and its not gonna it going to.  
  
Chandler: Since when did you become my English teacher?  
  
Monica: Since I kissed you at Florida.  
  
Chandler: Oh honey.  
  
Chandler kisses Monica.  
  
Doctor: Well you seem happy.  
  
Monica and Chandler break the kiss.  
  
Doctor: Monica you will have to come back in 2 months to see how the baby's doing and what Gender it is.  
  
Monica: Thanks doc.  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe is still yelling at the computer.  
  
Phoebe: YOU STUPID COMPUTER!  
  
Phoebe throws the screen on the floor and its smashes. Phoebe: I told you I would kick your ass.  
  
Joey enters.  
  
Joey: Who were you screaming at?  
  
Phoebe: That stupid computer (Pointing at the smashed screen.)  
  
Joey: Ah it doesn't matter. It was only 500 dollars for the screen.  
  
Phoebe: Why are you home early.  
  
Joey: Rachel kept saying I was stupid.  
  
Phoebe: Oh honey. Rachel is stup.  
  
Rachel enters.  
  
Phoebe: Rachel is stupendous.  
  
Rachel: Nice cover up.  
  
Joey: Get out of my apartment you stupid caller.  
  
Phoebe: I'll leave you two alone.  
  
Phoebe heads toward the door.  
  
Joey: Don't leave.  
  
Phoebe: Okay. I heard you the first time.  
  
Rachel: Pheebs. He only said it once.  
  
Joey: Hey. Don't talk about my wife that way.  
  
Rachel: Well listen instead of being so stubborn.  
  
Joey: Oh now you call me stubborn.  
  
Rachel: Joey. I was just trying to teach you how to play croquet.  
  
Phoebe tries to leave again.  
  
Joey: I said don't go. (To Rachel.) Do you call Ross stupid?  
  
Rachel: Do I have to answer that?  
  
Joey: Yes.  
  
Rachel: No.  
  
Joey: So why did you keep calling me stupid.  
  
Rachel: I don't know. I guess I was just being stupid.  
  
Joey: Fine. You're forgiven.  
  
Rachel: Thanks Joe.  
  
Rachel leaves.  
  
(Closing Credits.)  
  
Setting: Where we left off.  
  
Phoebe: (pointing at the broken computer screen.) By the way. That computer is not user friendly.  
  
End.  
  
Well how did you like the first episode of the second season? Monica got her wish. Anyway if any Malcolm fans are reading these stories check out my Malcolm story. Malcolm in the Middle: Vacation. 


	26. The one with the 5 movers

Friends The one with the 5 movers.  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is in their usual spots.  
  
Phoebe: I can't believe you two are having a baby.  
  
Monica: I know. It's just so wonderful.  
  
Chandler: Yes. Chandler Jr. here I come.  
  
Monica: Hey Who says its going to be a boy and if it was a boy its not being Chandler Jr.  
  
Chandler: Hey I was just suggesting.  
  
Joey: (To Chandler and Monica) Is there anything we can get you two for the baby.  
  
Chandler: (To Monica) Perfect. We can play the game with them.  
  
Phoebe: We're going to play a game. Yippee.  
  
Joey: Game. Fun.  
  
Monica: (To Chandler) Start.  
  
Chandler: (To Joey and Phoebe) Okay First you have to agree to the terms.  
  
Rachel: You guys made a game with terms.  
  
Chandler and Monica glare at Rachel.  
  
Rachel: What.  
  
Monica: Just shut up and let Chandler finish.  
  
Rachel: Okay don't have a cow.  
  
Ross: Don't you mean don't become a cow again. (Smirks.)  
  
Monica: Shut up. At least I didn't use to write Nerd Boy comics.  
  
Ross: Hey. You're so wrong. It was actually called Glasses boy.  
  
Rachel: (To Ross) You are a nerd.  
  
Joey: (To Rachel) Wouldn't that make you a nerd's girlfriend.  
  
Rachel: Oh my god. You are so right. Ross is like one of those geeky nerds and I'm one of those pretty cheerleaders.  
  
Ross: Hey.  
  
Phoebe: (Yelling) Just stop fighting. I want to hear the terms of the game.  
  
Chandler: (To Joey and Phoebe) Okay. We have something we really want. If you can guess it you have to, have to, under no circumstances can you not give it to us. If you guess you give it to us now.  
  
Phoebe: Fine. Joey's so rich I'm sure he could afford it.  
  
Chandler: Okay. Here are your clues. Its two words and the first word begin with O and the last word ends with t.  
  
Phoebe: Hum. This is a dousy.  
  
Ross: You don't get many dousy's anymore.  
  
Phoebe: Doy.  
  
Rachel: You don't get many of those anymore either.  
  
Joey: What does dousy and doy mean.  
  
Phoebe: Doy means Duh. And dousy means hard one.  
  
Joey: Oh.  
  
Monica: Come on you guys guess.  
  
Joey: I can't figure it out.  
  
Phoebe: Our apairiment.  
  
Monica: Close.  
  
Joey: Apartment!  
  
Monica: Thanks.  
  
Monica and Chandler run out of Central Perk.  
  
Phoebe: Where are they gone?  
  
Rachel: Where you hear the fast few minutes?  
  
Ross: There gone to take their old apartment back.  
  
Joey: But that's our apartment.  
  
Ross: Bingo.  
  
Joey and Phoebe run out of Central Perk.  
  
Rachel: Phoebe and Joey should stay back. If they don't give them there old apartment back Monica will probably suck their faces out with a dust buster.  
  
(Opening Credits) Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Greene Courtney Cox: Monica Gellar Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Tribbiani  
  
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing Matt Leblanc: Joey Tribbiani David Schwimmer: Ross Gellar  
  
Setting: Joey and phoebe's apartment. Monica and Chandler are there pushing the air hockey table out the door. Phoebe and Joey enter.  
  
Joey: Why should we give you guys back this apartment?  
  
Chandler: Cause it's not my fault we still don't have it.  
  
Monica: Oh. Blame it all on me.  
  
Phoebe: Yeah we should. She bribed me to be my maid of honor.  
  
Joey: Fine. You guys want your apartment back have it. I was planning on moving anyway.  
  
Monica: Where are you guys going to stay meanwhile?  
  
Joey: My old apartment.  
  
Chandler: You mean the one were moving out of.  
  
Joey: Yeah.  
  
Setting: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are there fighting.  
  
Rachel: (Yelling) Oh bite me Ross. I heard you say to Chandler a few weeks ago that you've seen prettier than me.  
  
Ross: (Yelling) Yeah. Well what about at Central Perk today. You calling me a geeky nerd.  
  
Rachel: (Yelling) I was only joking Mr. Not so Pretty caller.  
  
Ross: (Yelling) Well if you heard that you must have been eavesdropping.  
  
Rachel: (Yelling) I'm going to do the laundry.  
  
Rachel grabs a basket full of cloths off the counter and storms out the door.  
  
Ross: (Yelling) Oh go on.  
  
Setting: (Things must be getting a bit confusing. Right now Chandler and Monica are moving into the apartment there living in currently in the show. Joey and Phoebe are going to live in the apartment Rachel and Joey live in the show.) Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Everything is in place as it used to be when they lived there before. Joey and Phoebe are there.  
  
Joey: (In a high excited tone) Wow this place just (unexcited) sucks.  
  
Phoebe: Well it doesn't matter. You said you were looking for a horse to buy.  
  
Joey: No. I'm looking for a house to buy.  
  
Phoebe: What's a house.  
  
Joey: You don't know what a house is.  
  
Phoebe: Well. No.  
  
Joey: Its an apartment but much bigger.  
  
Phoebe: That's a horse.  
  
Joey: No a horse is one of those brown big looking dogs that you ride on.  
  
Phoebe: That's what I thought to but my mother told me that is a cow.  
  
Joey: Well she was an idiot.  
  
Phoebe: Don't talk that way about my dead mother.  
  
Joey: So let me get this straight. Your mother told you a house was a horse and a horse was a cow.  
  
Phoebe: Uh huh.  
  
Setting: Laundry mat. (The one that was in "The one with the east German Laundry" detergent in the real show.) Rachel is there doing laundry. A guy comes over.  
  
Guy: Hey there.  
  
Rachel: Hi.  
  
Guy: So what's a beautiful girl like you doing down here alone.  
  
Rachel: A fight with my boyfriend.  
  
Guy: Did you break up?  
  
Rachel: No! But he's acting like such a jackass and he just always nagging me and then Chandler's sarcasism and Monica trying to settle things.  
  
Guy: Well he sounds horrible.  
  
The guy kisses Rachel.  
  
Rachel: Wow.  
  
Rachel kisses him back. Ross enters.  
  
Ross: (Yelling) And move your stuff out of my apartment.  
  
(Closing Credits.) Guest Stars Guy: Paul Reiser  
  
Setting: Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Rachel is outside and knocks. Joey answers.  
  
Joey: How come you knocked.  
  
Rachel: How come you answered.  
  
Joey: We switched apartments again.  
  
Rachel: Oh. Can I live with you guys for a bit?  
  
End 


	27. The one with Ursaula

F.R.I.E.N.D.S The one with Ursula Disclaimer: I do not own friends just these stories. They are not intended for profit. Written By: Michael Dedicated To: Maggie, My uncle's dog  
Setting: Joey, Phoebe and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is there on the couch. Ross enters.  
  
Ross: Never mind.  
  
Ross heads out the door. In the hallway he bumps into Joey.  
  
Ross: Hey.  
  
Joey: What are you doing here?  
  
Ross: I wanted to know if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee.  
  
Joey: Sure. I'll go ask Rachel if she wants to come.  
  
Ross: No you won't.  
  
Joey: Hey what. Your not even going to talk to her.  
  
Ross: Okay. Lets say Phoebe is doing her laundry and all of a sudden decides to kiss a stranger and you walk.  
  
Joey: Pheebs would be living on the street.  
  
Phoebe is walking up the stairs into the hallway.  
  
Phoebe: But I'd never do that.  
  
Joey: (Sounds like a baby.) No you wouldn't. You're my cuddlelyster loverble Pheebs.  
  
Phoebe: Oh sometimes Joseph your just so cute.  
  
Ross: Hello back to my problem.  
  
Joey: I don't know what to say.  
  
Ross: I've been in love with her since the 12th grade and I'm finally with her and she does that. It's unforgivable. I'll just have to get over her.  
  
Joey: Guess your gonna have to.  
  
Ross: I gotta go pick up Ben. See you.  
  
Phoebe: Bye Ross  
  
Joey: Are Rachel and Ross ever going to get back together.  
  
Phoebe: They just broke up.  
  
Joey: What does that have to do with anything?  
  
Phoebe: Well just wait awhile. They'll get back together soon enough.  
  
Joey: I can't wait soon enough.  
  
Phoebe: Well your gonna have to.  
  
Joey: But I don't wanna.  
  
Phoebe: But you have too.  
  
Joey: But.  
  
Phoebe: No butts. Just go inside and act normal around Rachel.  
  
Joey: Fine. But if I don't act normal blame it on the Cola I had the morning.  
  
Phoebe: Oh that'll work. Rach Joey is acting a bit weird cause he drank Cola.  
  
Joey: Sounds perfect to me.  
  
Phoebe: Just go inside.  
  
(Opening Theme) Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Greene Courtney Cox: Monica Gellar Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay  
  
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing Matt Leblanc: Joey Tribbianni David Schwimmer: Ross Gellar  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Phoebe is sitting on the couch. Jamie and Fran enter. (Mad About You)  
  
Fran: It's her.  
  
Jamie: It's that dense waitress from Riff's.  
  
Fran: We haven't seen her in a while.  
  
Jamie: Go say hi.  
  
Fran: you.  
  
Jamie goes over to Phoebe.  
  
Jamie: So how are you doing?  
  
Phoebe: As well as you are I guess.  
  
Jamie: How come you're not at Riff's anymore.  
  
Phoebe: You think I'm Ursaula. I think I'm gonna have to kick your ass.  
  
Jamie: What. You're not Ursaula.  
  
Phoebe: Doy. No. I'm her twin sister Phoebe.  
  
Jamie: Wow. Ursaula had a twin.  
  
Fran comes over.  
  
Fran: Ursaula has a twin.  
  
Jamie: This women right here.  
  
Phoebe: Okay now you can back off. I'm not a freak show.  
  
Ursaula enters and she goes over to Phoebe.  
  
Ursaula: Oh so your friends with the bad tippers.  
  
Jamie: I resent that.  
  
Ursaula: Does it look like I care?  
  
Fran: I don't think she cares.  
  
Phoebe: Why are you here.  
  
Ursaula: I need to talk to you.  
  
Phoebe: Alright.  
  
Ursaula: Could we have some privet?  
  
Fran and Jamie just stand there.  
  
Fran: Oh. I think were suppose to leave.  
  
Jamie: Fine. I know when I'm not wanted.  
  
Fran and Jamie leave. Ursaula and Phoebe star at each other.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Rachel are at the table drinking Coffee.  
  
Rachel: I can't believe he kicked me out.  
  
Monica: But you kissed another man. What were you thinking?  
  
Rachel: I wasn't thinking. I guess. I guess.  
  
Monica: You were stupid.  
  
Rachel: Yeah that's it just not such a harsh word.  
  
Monica: Are you over him.  
  
Rachel: No. I'm still in love with Ross.  
  
Monica: Well I think Ross is over you.  
  
Rachel: I was just so stupid.  
  
Monica: You were.  
  
Rachel: Are you going to help me out at all here?  
  
Monica: Nope.  
  
Setting: Ross's apartment. Ross and Chandler are sitting on the couch watching TV.  
  
Chandler: Are you over Rach yet.  
  
Ross: No but I should be. That bitch kissed another man.  
  
Chandler: You mean you're not over her yet.  
  
Ross: No. But I want to move on.  
  
Chandler: Why don't you get a pet?  
  
Ross: You know that's a good idea. I'm going to go get a pet.  
  
Chandler: Good for you and I'll stay here and watch your satellite.  
  
Ross: Or you'll come with me.  
  
Chandler: I was just getting to that part.  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Ursaula and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.  
  
Ursaula: I know we've had our differences.  
  
Phoebe: Duh.  
  
Ursaula: But I would like to put that behind us and ask if I could live with you.  
  
Phoebe: Why! Wh. Wh. Why!  
  
Ursaula: Cause I got kicked out of my apartment.  
  
Phoebe: As long as you don't mind sleeping in a recliner.  
  
Ursaula: What about the couch.  
  
Phoebe: there's already a girl sleeping on it.  
  
Ursaula: Oh you had kids.  
  
Phoebe: No. It's a friend of ours.  
  
Ursaula: Ours?  
  
Phoebe: Me and my husband.  
  
Ursaula: Your married.  
  
Phoebe: Newly weds.  
  
Ursaula: Good going Pheebs.  
  
Phoebe: Thanks. We got a lot of catching up to do.  
  
Ursaula: Have we ever. At Riff's I got to serve this snotty group of people.  
  
Phoebe: Oh. That must suck.  
  
Ursaula and Phoebe leave Central Perk.  
  
Setting: Pet shop. Chandler and Ross are there looking at a cute brownish black spotted puppy.  
  
Ross: How cute. I'm getting this one.  
  
Chandler: Are you sure. This is the only one you looked at.  
  
Ross: Well it's just so cute. I want it.  
  
Chandler: Well it's the inside that counts. Not there looks.  
  
Ross: It's a dog not a woman.  
  
Chandler: (Sarcastic) You know I didn't make that observation Mr. I know all.  
  
Ross: Anyway I'm getting this one.  
  
Chandler: What are you going to name her?  
  
Ross: I'm going to name it Maggie.  
  
Chandler: That's a nice name. But not as cool as Super Beagle.  
  
Ross: You're a dork sometimes. And this isn't a beagle.  
  
Chandler: Another good observation.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's. Monica is sitting on the couch. Ross and Chandler enter with Maggie in Ross's arm.  
  
Chandler: Ding Dong. Ross got a dog.  
  
Monica looks at them.  
  
Monica: Oh how cute.  
  
Chandler: I know.  
  
Ross: As soon as I saw it I fell in love with it.  
  
Chandler: You know by our law your not aloud to marry animals.  
  
Ross: I think Ben is going to love it too.  
  
Monica: How can you tell if a 3-month year old baby likes a dog?  
  
(Closing Credits) Guest Stars Leila Kenzle: Fran Helen Hunt: Jamie Lisa Kudrow: Ursaula  
  
Setting: Joey, Phoebe, Ursaula and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ursaula are playing Checkers at the table. Joey and Rachel enter.  
  
Phoebe: Say hi to your new roommate.  
  
Joey: Oh. So this is Ursaula. How you doing.  
  
Rachel and Phoebe hit Joey.  
  
Joey: What. I didn't mean it sexually.  
  
End 


	28. The one with a proposal

F.R.I.E.N.D.S The one with a proposal Disclaimer: I don't own Friends. Just these stories. Written By: Michael Dedicated To: JJ and Steph  
  
Setting: Phoebe, Joey, Ursaula and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Ursaula are there.  
  
Rachel: So Urs. Do you mind if I call you Urs.  
  
Ursaula: I don't care.  
  
Rachel: So have you ever been married?  
  
Ursaula: No.  
  
Rachel: Oh. Do you have a boyfriend?  
  
Ursaula: No.  
  
Phoebe enters.  
  
Phoebe: Ursaula. Is Rachel interrogating you?  
  
Ursaula: I think so.  
  
Rachel: I'm not interrogating her. I just asking her a few questions.  
  
Phoebe: Uh huh. I know where this is going. You going to see if Ursaula knows anyone you could go out with.  
  
Rachel: How did you know?  
  
Phoebe: It's a whole 3rd sense story.  
  
Rachel: Pheebs, humans have 5 senses.  
  
Ursaula and Phoebe: Whatever.  
  
(Opening Theme) Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Greene Courtney Cox: Monica Gellar Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Tribbianni and Ursaula Buffay.  
  
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing Matt Leblanc: Joey Tribbianni David Schwimmer: Ross Gellar  
  
Setting: Where we left off.  
  
Ursaula: So Rachel you want a date.  
  
Rachel: Oh yeah.  
  
Ursaula: I could fix you up with George.  
  
Rachel: Who's George?  
  
Ursaula: One of my ex-boyfriends.  
  
Rachel: Why'd you break up?  
  
Ursaula: I got bored of him. So you wanna get set up.  
  
Rachel: Dial him up.  
  
Ursaula: Alright.  
  
Setting: Ross's apartment. Ross is sitting on the couch playing a Gameboy. Chandler comes barging in.  
  
Ross: What's with you.  
  
Chandler: Monica's pregnant.  
  
Ross: Ah Duh. Where have you been? She's been pregnant for a month.  
  
Chandler sits down.  
  
Chandler: I'm not talking about it that way. I just realized were not even married. I don't want my child to have unmarried parents.  
  
Ross: So what are you going to do?  
  
Chandler: I don't have a sweet flipping wimping clue.  
  
Ross: You don't have to use all those descriptive words.  
  
Setting: Phoebe, Joey, Ursaula and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Ursaula are playing Ursaula's Playstation. Phoebe is watching.  
  
Joey: Man. This is better than Super Nintendo.  
  
Ursaula: Of course it is stupid. It has 32 bits of graphics. Super Nintendo only has 16 bits.  
  
Joey: Wow you're a genius too.  
  
Phoebe: Why do you guys like these stupid games so much?  
  
Joey: There fun.  
  
Phoebe: Here let me have a try.  
  
Joey passes Phoebe the controller.  
  
Setting: Restaurant. Rachel and George are there.  
  
Rachel: (Thinking) This guy is hotter than hot soup or is it mashed potatoes. Who cares this guy is hot.  
  
George: Wow. This girl is so hot. I wonder how this date is going.  
  
Rachel: I'm having a blast are you?  
  
George: You bet I am. What do you want to order?  
  
Rachel: I'll have the Quarter Chicken with mashed potatoes and carrots. Wine for my drink.  
  
Setting: Ross's apartment. Ross and Chandler are still talking on the couch.  
  
Chandler: I don't know what I'm going to do.  
  
Ross: You could propose.  
  
Chandler: That's it. I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.  
  
Ross: You go Chandler.  
  
Chandler: What you don't have a problem with me asking your sister to marry me.  
  
Ross: No I'm happy for you two.  
  
Chandler: Great.  
  
Ross: Now go do it.  
  
Chandler: I need a ring dilhole.  
  
Ross: Go buy one.  
  
Chandler: I will.  
  
Chandler leaves.  
  
Ross: He's going to have to get a pretty big rock for Mon to say yes.  
  
Setting: Phoebe, Joey, Rachel and Ursaula's apartment. Phoebe and Ursaula are playing the Playstation. Joey is sitting on the couch watching.  
  
Joey: (Whining) It's my turn.  
  
Phoebe: Stop whining. You'll get your turn one of these days.  
  
Phoebe and Ursaula start laughing.  
  
Joey: It's my 62' TV.  
  
Ursaula: So. Were playing.  
  
Phoebe: I don't care. I'm also your wife.  
  
Joey: Well than let me play.  
  
Phoebe: Let me think about. Me and Ursaula have to huddle.  
  
Ursaula and Phoebe huddle. They come out of it.  
  
Phoebe: No.  
  
Joey: (Whiny) Why not.  
  
Phoebe: Cause Me and Urs are obsessed with this game.  
  
Monica enters.  
  
Monica: You guys are still playing that thing.  
  
Ursaula: Don't dis the Playstation.  
  
Monica: (Sarcastic) No No No. I wouldn't want to do a thing like that.  
  
Phoebe: Point exactly.  
  
Joey: (Whiny) Mon. They won't let me play.  
  
Monica: What am I suppose to do about that.  
  
Joey: (Whiny) Make them let me play.  
  
Ursaula: Shut up White Boy.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. On the Terrence Rachel and George are there.  
  
Rachel: Well that was a great date.  
  
George: It was.  
  
Rachel: Look at the view of the city from up here.  
  
George and Rachel look out into the dark night of New York.  
  
George: It's the 2nd most wonderful thing I've ever saw.  
  
Rachel: What's your first.  
  
George: You.  
  
Rachel: Oh.  
  
Rachel kisses George.  
  
Setting: A Jewerely store. Chandler is there looking at the ring. The manager comes up to him.  
  
Manager: Is there anything I can help you with.  
  
Chandler: A wedding ring for the most beautiful girl in the world.  
  
Manager: Like I haven't heard that line before.  
  
Chandler: Just help me out with a ring.  
  
Manager: May I suggest the Ulta wedding ring.  
  
Chandler: Sounds like a super hero comic or something.  
  
Manager: Yes. Anyway. This ring is 799 dollars.  
  
Chandler: I'll take it.  
  
Setting: The next day. Laundry mat. Rachel enters to sees George kissing another woman.  
  
Rachel: You bastard.  
  
Rachel leaves.  
  
Setting: Joey, Phoebe, Rachel and Ursaula's apartment. Ursaula and Phoebe are still playing Playstation. Joey comes out of their room in his robe.  
  
Joey: You guys were up all night playing that thing.  
  
Ursaula: No shit Sherlock.  
  
Phoebe: Good observation.  
  
Joey: You guys have had no sleep for 2 days. I'm pulling the plug.  
  
Phoebe: No No No No.  
  
Ursaula: No No No No.  
  
Joey leans down and pulls out the Playstation plug.  
  
Joey: And that's the end of that.  
  
Phoebe and Ursaula start throwing magazines at him.  
  
Joey: Owww. This hurts.  
  
Ursaula: What are you getting? Paper cuts.  
  
Joey: Yeah.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Rachel and Monica are at the table.  
  
Monica: Its okay. You only went on one date with him.  
  
Rachel: I know. But I'm just so hurt. That Laundry mat has caused me so much pain.  
  
Monica: Then I don't suggest paintball.  
  
Rachel smirks.  
  
Monica: I got to. I hope you feel better.  
  
Monica leaves. Chandler comes out of the bedroom.  
  
Chandler: Call up Phoebe, Joey and Ross.  
  
Rachel: Why?  
  
Chandler: I got good news to tell you all.  
  
Rachel: I'll call Joey and Phoebe, but your calling Ross.  
  
Chandler: Fine.  
  
Setting: 20 minutes later. Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ursaula and Chandler are in the living room. Chandler is showing everyone the ring.  
  
Rachel: I can't believe your going to ask her.  
  
Chandler: why. You don't think I have the guts.  
  
Rachel: I didn't say anything.  
  
Chandler: When Monica comes home, where going to a restaurant and I'm going to pop the question.  
  
Joey: Wow. You really are brave.  
  
Chandler: What are you talking about? You ask Phoebe in front of a bunch of famous people.  
  
Ursaula: Wow. How romantic.  
  
Chandler: Okay. Everyone leave. Monica is due home in 11 minutes and 45 second.  
  
Phoebe: And you say you're not precise.  
  
Setting: Restaurant. Chandler and Monica are there.  
  
Monica: Wow. The service here sucks.  
  
Chandler: Monica.  
  
Chandler kneels down on one knee and whips out the ring.  
  
Chandler: Ever since I've met you I've been nothing but happy and I would be honored if you would be my wife.  
  
Monica: I will.  
  
(Closing Credits.) George Lopez: George Charlie Sheen: Manager  
  
Setting: Ross's apartment. Ben is asleep on the couch. Maggie comes and starts licking him. Ross comes out of the bedroom.  
  
Ross: And I thought Dog's hated babies. I guess as the saying goes. Baby's best friend.  
  
End. 


	29. The one with the diamond

F.R.I.E.N.D.S The one with the Diamond Disclaimer: I don't own Friends. Just these stories. They are not intended for profit. By: Michael  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is there including Ursaula.  
  
Chandler: I can't believe I'm getting married.  
  
Ursaula: I can't believe that's your 9th time saying it.  
  
Chandler: But I'm getting married.  
  
Joey: And I'm already married.  
  
Phoebe: And we all thought Ross and Rachel would be the first one's to.  
  
Ross: Well things happen. Like kissing someone at a laundry mat.  
  
Ross glares at Rachel.  
  
Rachel: Yeah well it probably would have been the biggest mistake of my life if I had married you.  
  
Rachel glares at Ross. Ursaula, Phoebe, Joey, Monica and Chandler just stare at the heated fight that's about to happen.  
  
Chandler: (Breaking the tension) My birthday's coming up.  
  
(Opening Theme) Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Greene Courtney Cox: Monica Gellar Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Tribbianni and Ursaula Buffay.  
  
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing Matt Leblanc: Joey Tribbianni David Schwimmer: Ross Gellar  
  
Setting: Phoebe, Ursaula, Joey and Rachel's apartment. Ursula, Phoebe and Joey are on the couch. Monica enters.  
  
Monica: Hey. Does anyone want to help me find a job?  
  
Joey: How does this make any sense? You want to get and job and your pregnant.  
  
Monica: Good point. I guess that's what Chandler was trying to say.  
  
Ursula: Why are you broke or need money.  
  
Monica: Yeah why.  
  
Ursula: You could become a part time waitress at Riff's.  
  
Monica: No No No. I ain't going anywhere near there.  
  
Joey: Ain't ain't a word and you ain't suppose to use it.  
  
Monica stares at Joey.  
  
Joey: Rachel taught me it.  
  
Phoebe: Okay so you want money. Why don't you ask Joey for a lone?  
  
Joey: Don't I have a say in this.  
  
Monica: No. Chandler is still working so I suppose we'll just live off his income. We'll just have to cut back.  
  
Joey: On what.  
  
Monica: (Counting them on her fingers) Well for one designer clothes and fast food and also you eating out of our fridge.  
  
Joey: I'll try to cut back.  
  
Phoebe: I'll be right back.  
  
Phoebe goes into the room and comes back out with a diamond. A huge diamond.  
  
Joey: (Flabbergasted) Ah. Ah. Ah.  
  
Ursula: (Flabbergasted) Holy. shit. where did you get that rock.  
  
Phoebe: Here Mon you have it.  
  
Monica: (Pushing Phoebe away) I couldn't take it.  
  
Phoebe: That's what I should of said when I got it.  
  
Joey: Where'd you get it?  
  
Phoebe: Well when I was 14 I used to be a mugger and I mugged this off a women.  
  
Monica: (Flabbergasted) You used to be a mugger.  
  
Phoebe: Okay now its out. Now don't say it anymore.  
  
Ursula: You said that you only got 40 bucks that day.  
  
Phoebe: Well ha. I lied.  
  
Joey: You used to be a mugger too.  
  
Ursula: Okay. Enough with the third degree.  
  
Monica: You two could be in jail now.  
  
Phoebe: Well were not so stop acting like our mother.  
  
Monica: If I was acting like your mother I'd be jumping off a cliff right about now.  
  
Joey looked flabbergasted and his eyes bulged. Joey wasn't sure what would happen next. Phoebe runs and grabs Monica by the ear and then whispers into her ear.  
  
Phoebe: What'd you say about my mama.  
  
Joey: Oh it's like a skit from a black movie.  
  
Phoebe still has Monica by the ear. Rachel enters.  
  
Rachel: Well hello. (Stares at Joey standing in the kitchen. Monica on the couch with Phoebe grabbing her ear and Ursula sitting in a recliner.) What the hell is going on?  
  
Joey: Hey. There will be no profanity in my apartment.  
  
Phoebe: Oh your apartment.  
  
Ursula: Your apartment?  
  
Rachel: Your apartment.  
  
Joey: I didn't mean it that way.  
  
Monica: Pheebs. Could you let go of my ear now?  
  
Phoebe: I guess if I have to.  
  
Phoebe lets go of Monica's ear.  
  
Rachel: Now explain to me why you are all fighting.  
  
Monica: Phoebe has a huge diamond that she got from her mugging days.  
  
Rachel: Let me see.  
  
Phoebe hand Rachel the diamond. Rachel just stares at the diamond. Then breaks all the silence.  
  
Rachel: Umm. Who did you mug this off Pheebs?  
  
Phoebe: A women a few years back.  
  
Rachel just starts crying then grabs the phone and dials a number.  
  
Joey: You know the diamond is a bit shiny but it wouldn't make me cry.  
  
Rachel: (On the phone crying) Mom. You remember the family diamond you got mugged off you.  
  
Sandra Greene: Yes. Why do you bring it up? I lost a 13-generation-old diamond. Are you trying to hurt me?  
  
Rachel: No No. I have it right here.  
  
Sandra: What. How.  
  
Rachel: It turns out you were mugged by someone who is now my friend.  
  
Sandra: Wow. Anyway. I think its only right that I pass it on now to you anyway. Keep it going threw the generations.  
  
Rachel: I will mom. Bye.  
  
Rachel hangs up.  
  
Phoebe: Wow I had no idea.  
  
Monica: Anyway anyone want to help me throw Chandler a surprise birthday party.  
  
Ursula: Me Me. Pick me.  
  
Monica: Alright Ursula you can help me.  
  
Setting: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting at one of the two people tables.  
  
Phoebe: Don't you think Rachel and Ross were just the perfect couple?  
  
Joey: Yeah but they broke up.  
  
Phoebe: But we could try to get them back together.  
  
Joey: How.  
  
Phoebe: First we have to do the plan laugh. Mwaaaaaaa.  
  
Joey: Meowwwww.  
  
Phoebe: No its like Mwwwaaaaaaaa.  
  
Joey: Malllllllll.  
  
Phoebe: Dammit Joseph get it right.  
  
Joey: I'm trying. Mwaaaaaaaa.  
  
Phoebe: There you go.  
  
Joey: So what's next?  
  
Phoebe: Well at Chandler's birthday party if they're ever standing next to each other we'll put mistletoe over them.  
  
Joey: That's your plan. Its not even Christmas.  
  
Phoebe: I can still use mistletoe.  
  
Joey: Fine we'll try it. But how is one kiss going to get them back together.  
  
Phoebe: Cause when they're kissing I'm going to put tickets to Hawaii for two in Ross's pocket. Most likely he'll invite Rachel.  
  
Joey: Mwwwaaaaaaaaa. Mwaaaaaa. Mmwwaaaaaaa.  
  
Phoebe: Okay. That's enough of the plan laugh for you.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is hanging Happy Birthday decorations everywhere. Ursula is sitting at the table.  
  
Monica: Did you send out the invitations for today?  
  
Ursula: (Frighten) What invitations.  
  
Monica: (Worried) Oh my god. You didn't send them out!  
  
Ursula: (Laughing) I did send them. I just wanted to get you all hyped up and it worked.  
  
Monica: Well Haha.  
  
Ursula: I found it very amusing.  
  
Monica: Now Ursula you go to Chandler's work and distract him for (Looks at watch) one hour.  
  
Ursula: (Putting on a army voice and saluting Monica) Its as good as done sir. Yes sir.  
  
A few minutes later Joey and Phoebe enter.  
  
Joey: So when's the party starting.  
  
Monica: Soon. Ursula's gone to distract Chandler until everyone gets here.  
  
Setting: Chandler's cubicle. Chandler is there. Ursula walks up to him and then his boss walks over.  
  
Boss: Chandler as you know we are laying off lots of people in this department. And I'm sorry to say I have to lay you off too.  
  
Chandler: But boss. My fiancée is making nothing and I have a baby on the way.  
  
Boss: That's not my problem.  
  
Chandler: Well at least I can get this out. (Sarcastic) Look at me. I'm Mr. Fatty boss. I'm just a big fagit and I'm selfish and I don't care about other families. (Sticks out his tongue and spits all over his ex-boss.)  
  
Chandler looks over to Ursula and Ursula gives him two thumbs up and nods her head.  
  
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Ursula enter and everyone pops up.  
  
Everyone: Surprise.  
  
Monica was in front of them all. Ursula was behind Chandler waving her arms to get Monica to stop.  
  
Monica: Why stop.  
  
Ursula: Oh yeah. That's it. Sound it out loud.  
  
Chandler: Don't stop this party because I just got fired.  
  
Monica: (Sympathetic) You just got fired. (Mad) You just got fired. (Worried) You just got fired.  
  
Joey: (Whispering To Rachel) I've never seen someone have so many mood swings.  
  
Rachel slaps him on the back of the shoulder.  
  
Chandler: (To Monica) Okay. You don't have to repeat it 3 different times.  
  
Monica: What are we going to do?  
  
Joey: I'll be right back.  
  
Joey runs out of the apartment. A minute later he comes back with a wad of cash in his hands and hands it to Chandler.  
  
Chandler: .  
  
Joey: It's a baby gift.  
  
Chandler: (Flipping threw the cash) There must be 3000 dollar's in here.  
  
Monica: Joey. We can't accept this.  
  
Chandler: What are you talking about I can accept it.  
  
Rachel: Men. They won't accept free coffee but they'll take money.  
  
Ross: Shut up Rach.  
  
Rachel: (To Ross) And who are you to tell me to shut up.  
  
Ross: (Yelling at Rachel) Well I guess technically I'm your ex-boyfriend.  
  
Phoebe: (Whispering To Joey) The plan. The plan.  
  
Joey: Oh yeah.  
  
Joey takes mistletoe and walks over to Rachel and Ross and holds mistletoe over them.  
  
Ross and Rachel: What are you doing.  
  
Joey: Just standing.  
  
Ross and Rachel: With a maple leaf.  
  
Joey: (Pointing at Phoebe) You said it was mistletoe.  
  
(Closing Credits) Chandler's Boss: Paul Gimmitti (I think that's how you spell it)  
  
Setting: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Everyone is there (Ursula included) in the living room.  
  
Rachel: I can't believe you two tried to get me and Ross to kiss.  
  
Ursula: That's just so low.  
  
Phoebe: Your also living in my apartment.  
  
Ursula and Rachel: Your apartment!  
  
Joey: Not again.  
  
End. 


End file.
